Trump To Pelosi: I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT IF I STEP ON MY OWN DICK AND EAT IT AT THE SAME TIME?
Moments after we published our last piece, on how Nancy Pelosi is the true boss of President Whiny Ass Titty Baby, and how she utterly shivved him when she canceled his State of the Union address, Trump finally responded. We knew he would, because he is a thin-skinned manchild whose entire self is crushed by every perceived slight, but we never knew how pathetic his response would be.
Pelosi had been scheduled to leave this afternoon on a overseas CODEL (congressional delegation) to Afghanistan, a trip that was supposed to be a secret, because all trips like that are supposed to be a secret, especially when you're dealing with the person second in line to the presidency flying into war zones. Trump might know this, because he secretly went to Iraq over Christmas during the shutdown, after he was shamed into it, and he complained about how dark it was on Air Force One, because they had to keep it dark for security reasons.
But now Trump has CANCELED NANCY PELOSI'S TRIP, because TAKE THAT, NANCY. And to show just what a dick he is, Trump canceled the trip after the bus carrying the delegation, which also included Reps. Adam Schiff, Mark Takano, Stephen Lynch and others, had already left for the airport.
Here's the letter he sent, as tweeted by Sarah Knucklefuck Sanders:
OK, a couple things about this illiterate shitshow: 1) it's MADAM speaker, not "Madame" speaker, you untrained fucking White House goats; 2) What is Up with all the Randomly capitalized wORDs? Did yoU all go To TrumP UNiversitY? Did Donald type this himself? Is that why it took 24 hours for the White House to come up with this lame-ass response, because they let him try to hunt-and-peck it out on a White House computer, all the while constantly having to replace the monitors because President Sundowner kept trying to fix his mistakes with Wite-Out?
If it's not that, then REALLY? It took those syphilitic hamster brains in the West Wing over 24 hours to come up with THIS? (Yes, apparently, according to CNN's Kaitlan Collins! They started talking about it this morning and everybody agreed that it was AWESOME! Then they went back to jerking each other off while reading the Breitbart comments section, using leftover cheese from wrappers still strewn on the floor after Trump's Big Mac Football Guy Party as lube.)
Oh one more thing for the kids in the back who somehow are dumber than the average Trump staffer: A secret trip to support the troops is neither an "excursion," nor is it a "public relations event." We understand how Trump might be confused, since most of his presidency (when he's not beached in front of "Fox & Friends" and bitching on Twitter) consists of "excursions" to Mar-a-Lago and "public relations events" where he gets to play grab-ass with the meth-addicted cousin fuckers he calls his "base" at his rallies, but that's not how it is for grown-up politicians.
In case you're curious if Trump has the power to cancel congressional travel like this, yes he does. CODELs are arranged by the State Department and the Pentagon, so pause for a moment to realize how fucking pathetic it is that Trump White House people spent their day on the phone with State and Defense OWNIN' THE LIBS by canceling a Pelosi CODEL. Also, if members of Congress are traveling on military aircraft, obviously the president can cancel that. Every other president since the advent of air travel has had the class not to exercise such a power, but remember that the current squatter in the White House literally thinks squatting on gold plated toilets is elegant.
According to Drew Hammill, Nancy Pelosi's deputy chief of staff, the letter is wrong in another significant way, namely that "Egypt" wasn't on the agenda at all. They had to stop in Brussels, where Pelosi and the rest of the delegation were scheduled to meet with NATO commanders and US military leaders, presumably to make sure they know the Congress of the United States is not about to let President Russian Asset destroy decades of peace by pulling out of the alliance. The reason for the secret trip to Afghanistan, according to Hammill, was to "express appreciation & thanks to our men & women in uniform for their service & dedication, & to obtain critical national security & intelligence briefings from those on the front lines."
So take THAT, Nancy Pelosi! No swimsuit piña colada vacation in Afghanistan for YOU!
And take THAT, troops! No appreciation and thanks to our men and women in uniform for their service and dedication for YOU! In Trump's America, you get thanks when Emperor BabyShits decides to give it, which is not very often!
Clearly, with this move, Trump and the nine combined brain cells currently on the payroll in the West Wing have outdone themselves, if their goal was for Trump to stomp on his own dick and then set it on fire and then eat it like a Snausage.
People are already pointing out that Trump's "reasoning" here is every bit as advanced as we've come to expect from Trump. Again, he traveled to Iraq during the shutdown, and GOP Rep. Lee Zeldin led another CODEL with a group of Republicans, during the shutdown.
But that's different, according to House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, because ...
Because Kevin McCarthy doesn't know Hawaii is a state, apparently.
Meanwhile, Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin and other cabinet members and White House aides are still going to Davos to yuk it up with Oleg Deripaska, the Russian oligarch the Trump administration just un-sanctioned, maybe on Putin's orders, at the World Economic Forum. It's still OK to do that during a shutdown, apparently.
You got that, Trump supporters and furloughed government workers? The oligarchs in the Trump administration can wine and dine with the global elite class at Davos during a shutdown, but it's not OK for the speaker of the House to visit the troops.
Libs: OWNED AGAIN!
Except wait, LATE BREAKING UPDATE! The libs did not get owned, actually! This is instead yet another example of Trump fucking his own self, because due to pressure caused by Trump's petulant fuckbaby actions this afternoon, he has now canceled the American delegation to Davos. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
Let's see, how else did Trump just set fire to his dick? David Frum, tell us!
Well, this has just been another really good day in the Trump presidency! We can't wait to see what he fucks up tomorrow! (SPOILER: It will be "everything he touches.")
Now you may have an OPEN THREAD.
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