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Yeah, we're fucked


Donald Trump proudly announced Thursday afternoon that the United States will take the lead in making the planet uninhabitable by large mammals such as himself. He's really fucking proud of all the money we'll make by pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord. We'd say something about how Trump's 11-year-old son is doomed to grow up on a planet whose environmental balance is now more likely to tip into ecological disaster, thanks to his father's short-sightedness, but we are given to understand that would be considered an attack on the president's innocent child. So instead, we'll just hope the process of disengagement from Paris can be slowed down in time to get a president who understands science. Oh, for that matter, anything.

Since the only thing Trump can talk about is dollars, former congressman John Dingell decided the smartest move was simply to turn off the TV:

Here's a glimmer of hope, since you no doubt really need some about now, noted by the New York Times:

[Trump] will stick to the withdrawal process laid out in the Paris agreement, which President Barack Obama joined and most of the world has already ratified. That could take nearly four years to complete, meaning a final decision would be up to the American voters in the next presidential election.

Trump largely framed the decision to avoid taking action to prevent the warming of the planet in terms of money and politics, because in his heart, he still believes climate change is a hoax created by the Chinese. He spoke of how many millions of jobs would be lost, based of course on the U.S. Chamber of Commerce's debunked estimates that exaggerated the likely costs, ignored the economic benefits of green energy expansion, and -- our favorite part -- assumes that U.S. industry would be forced to undertake immediate, harsh actions to meet the U.S. commitment to greenhouse gas reductions. In reality, the same study the Chamber of Commerce cherry-picked its worst-case scenario from actually presented several scenarios in which the goals could be met with robust economic growth. The president also falsely claimed the Paris agreement forces the U.S. to cut emissions while allowing every other country to increase theirs -- again, not so.

It was simply so much bullshit. In one of the most ugly distortions in the speech, Trump claimed that when negotiators from 195 countries voted to approve the final text of the Paris accord, the applause that broke out was a celebration of the U.S. being put at a permanent economic disadvantage compared to the rest of the world. Silly us, we thought it was because they thought they'd built a framework for turning back a threat to the planet.

But Trump was stoked about how rich we'll all be while we shit all over our only home, insisting the USA will be the "cleanest and most environmentally friendly country" in the world, because all he has to do is declare toxic sludge good for us.

Most sane people were aghast. Cheers to weather.com, which temporarily redesigned its front page Thursday to frame -- quite literally -- Trump's announcement with a raft of information rebutting it:

The planet itself provided one significant counterpoint today to Trump's announcement: A huge chunk of the Antarctic ice shelf is about to break off; when it does, it will result in one of the largest icebergs in history, with roughly the same square mileage as Delaware:

As for what's sure to be one of the most notorious lines from the speech, "I was elected by the voters of Pittsburgh, not Paris" (Fuck those snooty French! Hope they're all killed by terrorists!), Trump got this rebuttal from Pittsburgh Mayor Bill Peduto:

Elon Musk, head of Tesla, SpaceX, and the leader of the effort to make big, long-lasting batteries for storing electricity generated by home wind and solar, followed through on a promise to resign from several presidential advisory councils he belongs to.

Trump lied all the way through the speech, and as our coverage continues, we'll pick apart those lies further. For starters, every country sets its own greenhouse gas reduction goals -- nobody in Paris is imposing anything on them. We're not losing our sovereignty.

For now, here's a thought: The USA is now one of three countries that is not part of the Paris accord. One is Syria, which is kind of busy with a civil war. The other is Nicaragua, which elected not to sign up because it felt the Paris framework needed to address carbon reduction more aggressively.

Four years to leave the Paris agreement. We have time to stop that.

And now it's your Open Thread.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the "Donate" link below so we can keep yelling about the planet, which will be fine -- it's just the living things on it that may be fucked.

[NYT / National Resources Defense Council / The Hill / Weather.com / World Resources Institute]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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