Trump To Solve All His Problems By YOU'RE FIRING Some More People
Mike Dubke, we hardly knew you! And now you're almost gone!
This morning, Axios reported that the White House Communications Director had tendered his resignation on May 18, although he remains in his position to ensure the seamless distribution of bullshit. Mike Dubke honed his propaganda chops for a decade at Crossroads Media, Karl Rove's hub for Republican ratfuckery. Sadly, his groveling skills were just not up to snuff for an Imperial Presidency.
Insiders say Dubke came in with few patrons, and never gelled with the originals. His departure is a reminder of how hard it is for newcomers to thrive in Trumpland.
So, is Dubke THE LEAKER Trump promised to fire when he got back from embarrassing himself abroad? Well, he could be...although it seems unlikely that Trump would have YOU'RE FIRED him and let him stay in the job for almost two weeks. In fact, Dubke himself was shocked that his resignation took this long to get out.
In a notoriously leak-prone White House, Dubke told POLITICO he was surprised that the news of his planned departure took 12 days to leak out.
It is hard to know whom to fire when the leaks are simultaneously FAKE NEWS and very damaging because they reveal classified information.
More likely, Dubke was simply not bugfuck crazy enough for Trumpland. He might be a pro at getting working class whites to vote against their own interests, but as a palace courtier Dubke was a total washout. Sad!
A longtime Republican operative and establishment stalwart, Dubke never fit into a White House consumed by chaos. Some questioned why he and not a Trump loyalist was tapped for the communications director job. After being selected for the post, he began telling people in the administration that he never produced TV ads targeting Trump during the 2016 campaign — a move that was designed to reassure loyalists in the White House, but one that left some rankled.
There was also some awkwardness to Dubke’s role: internally, it was made clear he was subordinate to the press secretary, Spicer — an unusual set-up. Dubke also came under fire after POLITICO reported last month that the president didn’t have a foreign policy doctrine.
Trump told friends in recent weeks that he was unhappy with Dubke — and that he wondered why he never seemed to get positive press anymore.
Grownups Out, Lunatics In
Dubke's exit is expected to be the beginning of a broader staff shake up at the White House. If only Trump could get some "positive press," then Congress would leave off this Russia stuff and get to cutting taxes! Poor Reince is getting shipped off to Greece, maybe, to be replaced by Republican lobbyist and Trump "cellphone buddy" David Urban.
And from stage far right enter: David Bossie and Corey Lewandowski, guys who know their job is to administer a beatdown to anyone who fails to speak their boss's name with reverence.
Trump met yesterday with two top officials from his campaign, Corey Lewandowski and David Bossie, about joining the crisis-communications war room he's setting up, perhaps as part of an outside-inside duet.
[Axios's] Jonathan Swan points out that all these moves are part of a hardening or toughening of the operation:
"These are not polished characters being brought in (though Urban at least has Hill connections.) They are killers. And Lewandowski in particular makes conventional folks in the White House very very nervous. ... Experience suggests he will not only indulge Trump's most combative instincts, but goad them."
Lewandowski was already YOU'RE FIRED once by Donald Trump -- not for manhandling a reporter, but for making Hope Hicks cry, ALLEGEDLY. But Donald Trump wants to stock the pond with "killers," so he's getting the old band back together. During the campaign, Lewandowski's motto was "Let Trump be Trump." Which is great for getting on television, but sub-ideal when your client is under multiple federal and congressional investigations. And right on time, Trump is being the unlawyered Trump all over Twitter.
Shit's gonna get weirder, y'all! Buckle up!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.