Trump Tried To Saturday Night Massacre Robert Mueller By The Pussy, But He Couldn't Get There

Photoshop of a failure.

Oh, hello, welcome to Breaking O'clock! You know how we have had many nights of worry that Donald Trump, following Richard Nixon's playbook, would try to do a Saturday Night Massacre and get rid of special counsel Robert Mueller? Of course you do, you are already signed up for the rapid response! Turns out he already DID try to do that, because of his complete and utter lack of any sort of self control.

Maggie Haberman and Michael Schmidt report at the New York Times that way back yonder in June of 2017, just a month after Rod Rosenstein appointed Mueller in response to Trump's petulant-shitbaby firing of FBI director James Comey, Trump gave White House Counsel Don McGahn an order to call the Justice Department and tell them to send Mueller packin'. And according to FOUR sources (all of whom were possibly "Don McGahn") Don McGahn said FUCK YOU. Or more accurately, he said nope, I am not doing that, and if that's really what you want me to do, I am quitting White House forever and you're on your own, LoveHandles McOrange!

AND THEN DON MCGAHN SAID:

Mr. McGahn also told White House officials that Mr. Trump would not follow through on the dismissal on his own. The president then backed off.

Wait, are we reading that correctly? Did McGahn inform the White House that Trump was too much of a pussy to call the Justice Department all by hisself? And then Trump proved him right? What kind of Saturday Night LMAO-ssacre is this?

Another question! Why was this Don McGahn's hill to die on? Because he sure didn't get the vapors when he was helping Trump fire James Comey. HMMMMM.

In the early days of Mueller, last summer, Trump's legal team was headed by an even bigger idiot than it is now ( Marc Kasowitz ), and their initial strategy to get rid of Mueller was to scream "conflict of interest!" For one thing, Mueller had once been a member at Trump National Golf Club in Virginia, but then they had a BIG FIGHT over, we don't fucking know, how many cosmos were supposed to be on Mueller's tab at the bar next to the golf course, and Mueller quit the club all mad-like because LITERALLY EVERYBODY knows Mueller never has more than 13 cosmos in one sitting, because he is after all a gentleman.

Another "conflict of interest" was that Mueller "could not be impartial because he had most recently worked for the law firm that previously represented the president’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner," which was kind of a stretch, but OK sure whatever. (We 'splained that at the time right here. ) Finally, as NYT reminds us, there was a thing about how Trump interviewed Mueller for the FBI director job, but Mueller didn't get the job, so Trump, the former host of TV's "The Celebrity Apprentice," assumed Mueller would freak out like a common Omarosa and try to get revenge on him, for not giving him The Rose.

Oh yeah, and there was the thing about how Robert Mueller, a Republican, is #RIGGED for Hillary Clinton, and proved it by hiring ALL DEMOCRATS for his investigatin' team. (He did not hire ALL DEMOCRATS for his investigatin' team.)

McGahn declared all that BULL HONKEY. And now we know he threatened to quit when Trump told him he was too GOSHDARN bashful to call the big scary Department of Justice all by himself and could you please do the Saturday Night Massacre for President Fainting Couch? NOPE.

So here is the thing. Robert Mueller has known about this for a while now! Remember how we learned this very week that Mueller is looking at Trump for obstruction for events long after the Comey firing, including any efforts by Trump to fuck with his own investigation? Oh yeah baby, this means that, if NYT is correct, Mueller is INVESTIGATING TRUMP FOR OBSTRUCTING HIS OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE INVESTIGATION INTO TRUMP.

Did you get that? Of course you did, you're not dumb Gateway Pundit readers or nothin'!

Two questions:

1. Is this the only time Trump has ever tried to do this? Wouldn't you like to know! (We don't know.)

2. Good god, has Donald Trump ever looked more motherfucking guilty than he does RIGHT THIS SECOND? (LOL sure he has! Presumably he had to face Melania after he BING-BONGED Stormy Daniels and told her he wishes all the sharks would die.)

Anyway, this has been your Thursday night BOOM!

Which is "Five bucks says Don McGahn got you're fired tomorrow," oh no we just lost five bucks because McGahn just rendered himself FUCKING UNTOUCHABLE. Unless we're wrong.

Fuck it, making another drink.

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[ New York Times ]