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Yesterday Donald Trump regaled the heads of state assembled at the United Nations with tales of his own Bigly Excellent World Leadering. At a meeting centered on nonproliferation of chemical, biological and nuclear weapons, Trump praised himself for holding a photo op with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, accused China of hacking US elections, and lied about the Iranian nuclear deal. Then the leaders took turns insulting Trump to his face and reminding him that he's the reason the Doomsday Clock now sits at two minutes to midnight. WINNING!


This is only the third time the UN Security Council trusted the US to hold the gavel, and it doesn't look likely to happen again any time soon. Trump played the hits, bitching about Iran and stacks of money Obama handed over to the mullahs. But then he wowed the crowd by mixing in a bunch of random crap about progress in the Middle East and Chinese hacking. It was quite obvious that Trump didn't care what the "shithole countries" had to say as he spent the majority of the time mumbling through his speech, waiting for the moment he had to say, "Now, uh, his/her excellency from...uh...Montey-Negro."

When the adults in the room finally had a chance to speak, most followed French President Emmanuel Macron's script -- tell him he's a very good boy for avoiding nuclear holocaust on the Korean peninsula, then read him for filth for treating the rest of the world like vassals to the United States.

Except for Bolivia's ultra left president Evo Morales Amya, who kicked Trump in the crotch WITH WORDS. Citing the US's long history of financing Latin American coups and dictators, Morales accused the US of torture in Trump's baby jails. Which is ... yeah, true. Morales said the US would sooner pick a fight than start a dialogue, adding, "The United States couldn't care less about human rights or justice."

And while the Trump administration may be loath to criticize Russia, British Prime Minister Theresa May used the the occasion to call out Russia for "recklessly" deploying nerve agents in Salisbury and then trying to "obfuscate" its role in the murder. Others pointed out the strange coincidence of Syria's sudden ability to access chemical agents and weapons right after Russia offered to help the Assad regime hunt civilians terrorists.

Lacking actual deliverables, Trump and his minions are reduced to pointing to his staged photo ops with prime ministers from Israel and Japan as proof of Trump's remarkable foreign policy successes. And although Trump himself argued that the UN was laughing with him, a European diplomat told Buzzfeed, "What would resonate well at a political rally in America sounded a little awkward at the UN General Assembly." (Trust us, dude, we know.)

You know your president is batshit crazy when Turkish autocrat Recep Tayip Erdogan's op-ed in Foreign Policy comes off as rational by comparison, describing Trump as a brainless idiot (more or less), hell-bent on destabilizing the diplomatic order as it crashes out of the Human Rights Council, UNESCO, UNRWA, and derides the International Criminal Court. It's embarrassing when the leader of Malaysia says the president "doesn't know much about Asia." And it's fucking pathetic that the president has to walk out of the UN Security Council to start tweeting insults about women accusing his judicial nominees of rape. Oh, that happened too.

[Foreign Policy / Buzzfeed News / Politico / White House / New York Times]

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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