I can see your halo, halo, halo ... OK this caption doesn't even make sense, that song is just in our head right now.

Hahahahahahaha, that was fast! Sam Clovis, Trump's pick to be the president of science at the USDA (even though he is #NotAScientist), has decided he suddenly no longer wants the job, now that it appears he is all dirty in Robert Mueller's Trump-Russia probe. Get a load of Clovis's whiny ass titty baby letter to Donald Trump, sent on Wednesday:

“The political climate inside Washington has made it impossible for me to receive balanced and fair consideration for this position,” Clovis wrote in the letter. “The relentless assaults on you and your team seem to be a blood sport that only increases in intensity each day. As I am focused on your success and the success of this Administration, I do not want to be a distraction or negative influence, particularly with so much important work left to do for the American people.”

It's OK to laugh, everyone, because it's pathetic. He's just doing this because of the unfair "assaults" on Trump, which are only happening because the Fake News Robert Mueller Hillary Uranium CNN Deep State are convinced for some reason (it's called evidence) that the Trump campaign may have colluded with Russia to steal the 2016 election. Ridiculous!

Clovis's name, of course, came up in the first guilty plea Mueller scored in the investigation, as he was a supervisor to George Papadopoulos, who literally admitted to working a scheme to collude with Russia to get dirty hacked Hillary Clinton emails. Hell, Clovis was the one who brought Papadopoulos and dumbest Russian spy idiot ever Carter Page onto the Trump national security team Jeff Sessions was running! Papadopoulos worked very hard to set up high-level secret meetings between the Trump campaign and bigwig Russians, and for his efforts, Clovis told him, "Great work!" Clovis also encouraged Papadopoulos to make an off-the-books trip to Russia, because that's a totally normal thing to do in the middle of an American presidential campaign.

Clovis met with Mueller last week and also testified before his grand jury, so it's pretty clear the investigation has him in its sights. Did he flip on Trump and just write that sweet 'n' ass-kissy letter to keep the cranky baby in the White House pacified? Or is he really that stupid? (COULD IT BE BOTH?)

As for our new little friend Papadopoulos, it sounds like he was the complete opposite of a "coffee boy," as the White House would like us to believe. Seth Abramson (we know, we know) has a long, well-sourced thread that shows Papadopoulos being an integral part of the campaign all the way up to the inauguration, and possibly being a part of Trump World all the way up to when SOMEBODY (Paul Manafort) leaked the emails about Papadopoulos trying to conspire with Russians. If so, Robert Mueller might have picked just the right guy to wear a wire and go get some Trump idiots to admit some Russia shit.

SPEAKING OF JEFF SESSIONS! Guess who suddenly "remembers" how he supposedly poo-pooed (yeah right) all over the idea of George Papadopoulos setting up a meeting between Trump and Putin? That's right, it's Jeff Sessions!

Time for Al Franken to haul Bubba Butterscotches in front of the committee again, to see if he can get him to do some more perjuries!

Anyway, if Clovis has indeed flipped, it sounds to us like a bunch of Trump motherfuckers are about to go down in FLAMES. America might have a nice Christmas after all!

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Deutsche Bank shitcanned its own internal compliance reports to disappear suspicious Trump and Kushner transactions and make sure Treasury never got wind of them? You mean the bank that continued to make loans to Trump after every other lender tapped out, that accepted his overnight doubling of his "net worth" by claiming his brand was worth $4 billion, that continued to write him checks after he defaulted and then sued them claiming the 2008 financial crisis was an "act of God?" Those prudent beancounters cut corners to benefit their wealthy clients? FAM, WE ARE SHOOK.

No, not really. It would be shocking to find out that the private wealth managers let algorithms work their magic on high net worth individuals and turned the reports over to Treasury like they would for some guy making $75,000 who got a $19,000 wire from the Isle of Man. The rules for rich people are different, and Deutsche Bank did not get to be part of the "Global Laundromat" by taking all those anti-money laundering statutes literally. (And if you think the other big banks aren't doing the exact same thing, the Easter Bunny has a bridge to sell you. This is why Elizabeth Warren freaks the finance guys out -- she knows where all the bodies are buried.)

At the same time, this story in the New York Times about Deutsche Bank compliance officer Tammy McFadden getting fired for pointing out Trump and Kush's hinky transactions in 2016 -- including some with Russians, natch -- is pretty ridiculous. With regulators on two continents breathing down their necks for laundering Russian money, DB's private wealth bankers were allowed to swoop in and save their clients from any of that icky federal snooping into their questionable transactions.

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To be honest, we're not 100 percent sure who's right in the argument over whether 2020 Democratic primary candidates should do town halls on Fox News, though we suspect it's Elizabeth Warren, because she's usually right. But if you are going to do it, then Pete Buttigieg showed us all how you should do it, which is to make sure you get all the way under the skin of Fox News's most regular viewer, the chunk of human cells and pigshit who lounges around the White House all day watching TV and apparently not (thank God) doing much work.

In fact, the president was whining hours before the town hall even started:

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