Trump Will Pardon Them All, Will Pardon His Family, Will Pardon Himself. F*CK IT, IT'S FINE.
"Today, President Trump has issued a full and complete pardon to Paul Manafort, stemming from convictions prosecuted in the course of Special Counsel Mueller's investigation, which was premised on the Russian collusion hoax," the White House announced. "As a result of blatant prosecutorial overreach, Mr. Manafort has endured years of unfair treatment and is one of the most prominent victims of what has been revealed to be perhaps the greatest witch hunt in American history. As Mr. Manafort's trial judge observed, prior to the Special Counsel investigation, Mr. Manafort had led an 'otherwise blameless life.'"
And by "blameless life," Judge T. S. Ellis meant that he'd never been indicted before, not that he wasn't a thoroughly corrupt sumbitch who passed Trump campaign data to a Russian agent, committed numerous financial crimes, and lied about lobbying for a foreign government.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change ...
Of Roger Stone, the White House said, "He was subjected to a pre-dawn raid of his home, which the media conveniently captured on camera. Mr. Stone also faced potential political bias at his jury trial. Pardoning him will help to right the injustices he faced at the hands of the Mueller investigation."
Which is an interesting way of describing someone who lied to Congress and threatened another witness in an attempt to suborn perjury.
The courage to change the things I cannot accept ...
Citing charitable donations in the years since he left prison, the White House insisted that Jared's daddy's "record of reform and charity overshadows Mr. Kushner's conviction and 2 year sentence for preparing false tax returns, witness retaliation, and making false statements to the FEC."
Well, that's one way to describe the conduct which landed that guy in the slammer. Let's let Chris Christie, who prosecuted Charles Kushner, tell you what actually happened.
The Charlie Kushner pardon was a guarantee from day one of this presidency. Jared Kushner has always felt very aggr… https://t.co/ZInmvtkV6F— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@Yashar Ali 🐘)1608770257.0
Upon his release from prison after attempting to blackmail his brother-in-law with a sex tape to deter him from testifying against him, Kushner told the real estate website The Real Deal, "I believe that God and my parents in heaven forgive me for what I did, which was wrong. I don't believe God and my parents will ever forgive my brother and sister for instigating a criminal investigation and being cheerleaders for the government."
And wisdom to know the difference.
These are not good people, and the temptation is strong to pin our hopes on false promises of imminent justice. But the pardon power is virtually absolute. Trump arglebargled nonsense about "an Article II where I have a right to do whatever I want" as justification for his pathetic, despotic orders, but when it comes to the "Power to grant Reprieves and Pardons for Offences against the United States," he's basically right. There is no magical incantation, no "Mueller is coming!" that will undo the avalanche of corruption that is about to rain down.
Trump will pardon Steve Bannon, he will pardon Rudy Giuliani, he will pardon his kids, he will pardon himself.
But he is leaving, and soon, because we did change the things we could not accept. And painting Wite-Out over these disgusting people's convictions is disgraceful, but ultimately it makes very little difference. Mueller didn't save us, any more than John Durham saved them. We saved ourselves at the ballot box. And we will brace ourselves for the orgy of corruption Creamsicle Caligula unleashes in the next four weeks, and then we will buckle down and CLEAN THIS SHIT UP.
It's your country, and in the new year you will take it back.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.