Trump's Good Re-election Plan: Starve The Military In Swing States! Yay!

Donald Trump is so good at ELECTION. He has an intuitive understanding of ELECTORAL COLLEGE. How it works is, you piss all over your voters and steal from them, but you do it while shouting insane, racist nonsense and drawing dicks on weather maps. And then you win!

Trump is already putting his Very Stable Genius Plan into action with cuts to defense spending. After reaching a deal with Congress in February for $1.4 billion in border wall funding, Trump turned around and announced that he was going to grab an additional $3.6 billion from previously allocated defense funds by shouting "National Emergency!" If he gets Congress to "backfill" the allocations, he can just go ahead and steal it again. And if Congress refuses to reallocate the funds, then he'll blame Nancy Pelosi for hating the troops.

Win, win, win!

So who is Trump stealing from? Well, Puerto Rico's getting hit hardest, obviously, because ... ungrateful, and brown, and disenfranchised. Sure Hurricane Maria devastated the island, but they can do without that $400 million in planned spending, right? And screw Guam! Let them bitch to their congressman if they're mad about losing $250 million. LOL, get it?

But Trump is also cutting the knees out from under some of his supposed allies. North Carolina Senator Thom Tillis actually wrote an op-ed in the Post opposing Trump's emergency declaration to raid defense funds, before folding like a beach chair when it came time to vote. And for his humiliation, he's rewarded with $80 million in cuts for his state when he has to win his seat again in 2020. Which is what happens when you let a scorpion ride your back across the river.

Camp Lejeune, which hasn't been fully repaired since Hurricane Florence and is now battening down the hatches for Dorian, will lose $40 million. And Fort Bragg won't get a new elementary school. Cal Cunningham, a Democrat challenging Tillis next year, served two tours, one in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. He will, no doubt, be bringing up the military funding cuts during the campaign.

In Arizona, Senate candidate Astronaut Mark Kelly is already blaming Republican Martha McSally for not protecting the $30 million allocation for Fort Huachuca, a screwup her office compounded by issuing a press release claiming the cut was only $30,000 before having to backtrack. Because reading is hard.

In May, Trump toured Camp Tyndall in Florida, and vowed to fund repairs for the massive damage incurred during Hurricane Michael in 2018. But he just grabbed $17 million allocated for that purpose for his stupid Fuck You Mexico Wall. Sorry, Little Marco!

The remaining smash and grabs are mostly in solid red or blue states. Alaska and Texas lose $74 million and $44 million, respectively, while New York and Maryland lose $150 million and $66 million. And Trump Campaign Manager Brad Parscale can shittalk about New Mexico and Virginia being in the bag for Trump, but the $220 million he's pulling out of them suggest otherwise.

In theory, Fort Campbell Middle School in Kentucky is losing $62 million, but that's probably a gift to allow Mitch McConnell to swoop in save the day for his constituents.

In short, this is very good plan to get re-elected. And cutting $155 million from FEMA with Dorian bearing down on us makes it even better. Carry on, President Good Brain!

[Table of Cuts, via Axios]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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