Trump Says Windmills Destroying Airplanes Now, So That's A Real Bummer

Donald Trump picked this weekend, while the country's eyes were focused entirely elsewhere, to finally waddle out the gates of Mar-a-Lago and do something resembling campaigning for president. Had you forgotten he had, with much fanfare, announced he was running for president? Yeah, it seemed like he had too.

He had dinner with the deranged LibsOfTikTok woman last week, which could be considered a campaign event, we guess. Or is it more like when those Nazis came to dinner?

Oh well, anyway, Trump gave a campaign speech this weekend, his first of the 2024 campaign. It sounds like it was a real snoozer. It was in a high school auditorium, for the state GOP convention. Only Newsmax, OAN, and Real America's Voice played it live. And bless his heart, but it sounds like he thinks windmills are making all the airplanes crash now.

That's right, they don't just create bird graveyards now. They “kill all the birds, destroy all the planes, and our beautiful oceans and seas and everything else.” The wind turbines are apparently escalating their murderous behavior.

Haven't you missed Trump rallies?

Aaron Rupar live-tweeted the whole thing, God bless him.

Trump apparently thinks if he had been president for just three (3) more weeks, the wall would have been built?

Maybe if one of those weeks had been Infrastructure Week.

Trump said "so many people" ask him for help becoming a US citizen, and he tells them "go to the southern border, just walk across the line." He said a rich guy he knows can't become a citizen, even though he's studied so hard, and Trump just told him to go to Mexico and walk across the border. All of this is real and it happened.

Note: at the beginning of that clip right there, Mr. Dictionary claims that he "came up with" the word "caravan." Wasn't that nice of him?

Other bits an pieces: He said the Taliban couldn't fight at night, because they didn't have the "binoculars" for that. Amidst some other incomprehensible babbling, he said the National Archives are "far left."

But really, it seems like what most people are saying is that Trump was low-energy and didn't seem to know where he fit in these days. After the New Hampshire event, he went to South Carolina for an event where he received endorsements from some of that state's Republicans, and coverage of that event says he seems like he's having a hard time trying to figure out how to be both "a great Republican leader" and "the ultimate outsider," as Vox puts it.

The 2016 election was a unique event, and Donald Trump only "won" because of some extremely specific conditions that are unlikely to ever be precisely replicated. Historically unpopular candidates, FBI meddling in the political process, a Russian attack in support of Trump -- y'all remember. Russia tried to attack 2020 for Trump, but it wasn't enough.

Maybe he was never that special to begin with. He was just different in 2016, and that, combined with all those factors that helped him cheat his way into a "victory," was enough to creep him across the finish line. Didn't work in 2020.

Will the tired loser even make it out of the primaries this time? You know, assuming he isn't in prison?


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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