One of these things is not like the other!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

• White House communications director Mike Dubke has "You're Fired" himself this morning as the Trump train continues its jaw-dropping catastrophic derailment.
• CNN is reporting that Russian government officials may have had "derogatory" information about Donald Trump's 2016 campaign, like spies, or dirty money, or pee hookers.
• What was Jared Kushner doing when he secretly met with all his Russian friends in secret rooms where no one could hear their secrets? Drip, drip, drip!
• Intel officials need to make "killer graphics" when Trump actually decides to sit still for briefings; soon they'll be giving him a fidget spinner.
• Trump wants to "address conscience-based objections to the preventive-care mandate," which is really just a fancy, legalese way of saying, "Mike Pence doesn't want to pay for your slut pills or abortions."
• Elizabeth MacDonough, the Senate parliamentarian, will make the call on the Senate version of TrumpCare/RyanCare/McConnellCare; and now we know something really wonky and boring about the political process!
• Betsy DeVos thinks you're ignorant if you don't agree with her that schools need to be run by publicly unaccountable private corporations, but at least she probably isn't a Flat-Earther. Probably.
• Trump's budget has hidden cuts to the USPS even though the service is already struggling to keep its head above water.
• Portland's mayor wants to cancel an alt-right rally in response to a fatal stabbing of two heroes who stood-up for two women being harassed by a white-nationalist.
• Them good ol' boys in the North Carolina legislature are trying to sneak in another voter ID law.
• Back-stabbing is just the beginning of the hostile work environment in Trump's White House as aides and staffers routinely try to sniper each other, and Trump insults and shouts down everyone around him. Sad!
• The Secret Service is getting MORE money from Congress (again) as it tries to keep up with the Trump and his franchises family.
• HEY KIDS! Here's a fun way to beat the heat and suck down booze in honor of dead soldiers, brought to you by your favorite surgically perfected heiress without a conscience, Ivanka Trump: champagne popsicles!
• With a beer in hand, German Chancellor Angela Merkel declared that Europeans can't rely on the U.S. anymore because Trump just upended 70 years of cooperation and stability between the U.S. and E.U. with a tweet. On the other hand, that could be good news ahead of the German elections later this year.
• Hannity might not come back on the air tonight because he doesn't feel like Fox supports his stupid conspiracy theories enough. Poor snowflake!
• During a Memorial Day ceremony at Arlington, Trump started swinging around and singing like a child during the national anthem. Well, he sang the parts he remembered, that is.
• And here's your morning Nice Time! LITTLE RIVER PIGGIES! OMG, look at them scoot around, they're so adorable!

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