Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today, and May the Fourth be with you! ["May the Fourth be with you" deleted by your editrix, you are welcome, good morning.]

• The House GOP says it has enough votes to shove through the festering corpse of TrumpCare/RyanCare/WealthCare after an $8 billion rider was stapled on to "help" cover pre-existing conditions by dumping the sick, elderly and dying into high-risk pools.
• That deal with the Devil allows states to opt out of the ACA provided that they establish high-risk pools which are estimated to drown the most vulnerable people in debt before they die.
• In Case You Missed It: Jason Chaffetz will come back to D.C. to vote on the zombie TrumpCare/RyanCare/WealthCare bill, but there's no word on whether or not his pre-existing condition will hurt his recovery.
• Susan Rice declined to testify for the Trump-Russia hearings, and this clearly means that we need to #LockHerUp.
• Ben Carson woke up from his nap to pose for pictures and sign copies of his book as he wrung his hands and rambled through low-income housing where he mumbled that the poor houses are too comfy for all the filthy, drug addicted wretches, and that they might choose to stay poor, even if they have to stack bunk beds in homeless shelters.
• Donald Trump is personally digging through the pizza-filled bodies stashed in the DuPont Circle hipster catacombs of Washington DC to find the NPS employee who "leaked" pictures of his inauguration crowd size.
• It's now ILLEGAL to adopt a child in Alabama if you're gay; legal to discriminate against gay parents vis a vis adoption in Alabama. God forbid a kid should get exposed to musical theater instead of ancient alien ice road swamp people trucking to pawn shops.
• The Texas legislature has said fuck all y'all to sanctuary cities and Texas Gov. Greg Abbot is expected to sign it ASAP despite opposition from human rights groups and local police departments.
• SUPER DUPER REAL JOURNALISMIMING MAN Mike Cernovich will get one hour on Alex Jones's show each week to crow about cucks, conspiracy theories, and all the reporters who are mean to him.
• The TSA is warning about terrorist truck attacks driven by crazy fundamentalist zealots who are simply trying to make America great.
• REXXON doesn't think that Not America needs to adopt U.S. freedoms so he's going to "You're Fired" 2,300 people from State who would otherwise enforce U.S. "policies" (not "values").
• An A.P. investigation has found that a U.S. contractor in Iraq was involved in a mind-numbing amount of sex-trafficking, alcohol smuggling, theft and security breaches.
• After meeting with Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, Trump thinks he can achieve peace in the Middle East when he moves the US embassy to Jerusalem.
• The lying LIBERAL media of Not America has decreed that Emmanuel Macron won a presidential debate with Marine Le Pen last night where they railed against each other in rude, insulting French frog talk for two hours.
• And here's your late night wrap-up! Trevor Noah thinks we should tie climate change to Trump's properties; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at ZombieTrumpCare; and American hero Stephen Colbertis still here telling clever jokes about James Comey.
• And here's your morning Nice Time! A flamingo chick!

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