Trump's Debate Plan? Try To Make Biden Stutter. Because These People Are FILTH.

2020 presidential election
Trump's Debate Plan? Try To Make Biden Stutter. Because These People Are FILTH.

What's the name for the compulsive disorder that makes you run to reporters and tell them all the filthy, vile things you're up to today?

Oh, right — TRUMPISM.

There is no other possibility for the Trump campaign staff hopping on the phone with Politico's Nancy Cook and Gabby Orr to shout (probably), "Hello, can you please write a story that makes us look like immoral scum? Oh, you can? Sweeeeeeeeet."

Should they try to make him stutter in public so they can say NO STROKE! NO STROKE! YOU'RE THE SERIES OF MINI-STROKES NOBODY BROUGHT UP UNTIL I TWEETED ABOUT IT TWELVE TIMES? Hell, yeah, they should!

There's some tension among the president's advisers over whether it's wise to try to trip up Biden so he stutters, or to box him in on issues.

One 2016 Trump campaign official said it's a "calculated risk" to phrase things in such a way that might cause the former vice president to stammer in his response, acknowledging such a strategy could backfire if Trump deliberately appears to be messing with Biden's history of stuttering — an attribute Biden has used to demonstrate his ability to overcome challenges and his empathy for children in similar situations.

They also have a theory that certain words, umm, cause his circuit board to glitch and "reboot."

The Trump team has been studying Biden's idiosyncrasies in debates and other venues and preparing tactics for Trump, according to interviews with a dozen campaign aides, White House officials and outside advisers. Some have noticed the way he says, "C'mon, man," whenever he feels frustrated, and they're trying to identify words or phrases that trigger him to "reboot," as one person familiar with the planning described it. Essentially, Trump aides are looking for ways to trip up Biden in an effort to spur an incoherent or unsatisfactory response — bolstering a key Trump argument against Biden built around his age.

Look, it's very science-y and technical. It takes decades of neurological post-grad work to understand. But generally it works like this.


(Dear God, is Trump going to gyrate and flash his Yeti pubes? Anything but that!)

"Biden has certain tells when he is not telling the truth, and those are things I have picked up in my review of his debates over the years," recycled Trump hack Jason Miller told Politico. And that guy knows a thing or two about misrepresenting reality!

"Biden has been debating for a half-century. He is very good. Part of the reason he is very good is that he gives the same answers over and over again to questions for the last 30 years. But he does have certain tells that he uses when he is not confident in his answer or trying to change the subject or make viewers forget what the actual question is," Miller said.

Unlike President Person Woman Man Camera Teevee, who is constantly being approached by big, burly guys with tears in their eyes thanking him for getting rid of those lowflow shower heads that cause windmill cancer.

As for his own debate prep, the president is taking a low key approach, with some of his advisors insisting that he gets all the prep he needs sparring with reporters at his daily pep rallies corona briefings. But just to be safe, Chris Christie, Jason Miller, and campaign manager Bill Stepien are working to get Trump nailed down at least three times a month.

"The president is good at learning things through observation, so he's been watching staff run through questions with Chris Christie and then he'll develop his own style from there," a Republican close to Trump told Politico. Which ... well, we ain't mad about it.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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