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Trump Foundation Dissolved Like It Was Dipped In Hot Tub Of Acid

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Not so long ago, back in June, we reported that the state of New York was suing the president's ... well, it's too charitable to call it a "charity," so we'll go with "crooked-ass scam," the Donald J. Trump Foundation. New York Attorney General Barbara Underwood came out swinging and declared that the foundation was "little more than a checkbook for payments from Mr. Trump or his businesses to nonprofits, regardless of their purpose of legality." Trump insisted he'd never settle this case, and now six months later, Underwood has announced, with her tail between her legs, that the grifter in chief has agreed to dissolve the Trump Foundation and give away its remaining funds. Aren't you tired of winning yet, Donald?


No one should expect Powerball-level payouts, though. At its peak, Trump's Music Man act never had more than $3.2 million in the bank. Aquaman will swim past that in its first couple hours of domestic release. Trump's a fake billionaire, but we know he has access to real billionaires. He's given them Cabinet positions. Even they aren't taking spare cash from their yacht funds and trusting it to the Trump white-collar crime family.

Trump himself never gave any of his own money to the foundation since 2008. I don't entirely blame him. I wouldn't give one Yugoslavian pfennig to any organization, charitable or otherwise, with Trump's three oldest and dumbest kids on the board of directors. In fairness, though, Trump has claimed that his name alone is worth $3.3 billion. That's quite the donation right there. The John Smith Foundation would only be worth a significantly less imaginary figure.

The best LOL moment from the attorney general's investigation is the discovery that Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump and Ivanka Trump — all listed as officers of the charity — had never held a board meeting. The board hadn't met since 1999. I'm not a five-dollar feminist, but I've served on a few theatre boards and even I know you have to, you know, meet and stuff. That's kind of the point. Is there nothing legal about this "foundation"? Trump Organization executive Allen Weisselberg was reportedly unaware he was even on the board despite being the charity's "official treasurer." Couldn't Ivanka be bothered to send him an email at some point saying, "BTW: In case anyone asks, you're the treasurer of our fake board." You don't want the attorney general catching folks off guard with this.

During the 2016 presidential campaign, Trump sent a lot of time attacking an actual legitimate charitable organization, the Clinton Foundation. Totally coincidentally, after winning the election, Trump suddenly tired of his own "charity" and tried to shut it down, but the attorney general's office blocked that obvious attempt to "bust the joint out" during its investigation of his advanced crookery. Underwood still seeks more than $2.8 million in restitution and has asked a judge to ban the four Trumps temporarily from coming within a country mile of the boards of other New York nonprofits.

Underwood released a statement today detailing the various and assorted ways the Trumps suck and can't be trusted to not take candy from a sleeping baby.

"Our petition detailed a shocking pattern of illegality involving the Trump Foundation – including unlawful coordination with the Trump presidential campaign, repeated and willful self-dealing, and much more. This amounted to the Trump Foundation functioning as little more than a checkbook to serve Mr. Trump's business and political interests.

"Today's stipulation accomplishes a key piece of the relief sought in our lawsuit earlier this year. Under the terms, the Trump Foundation can only dissolve under judicial supervision – and it can only distribute its remaining charitable assets to reputable organizations approved by my office.

"This is an important victory for the rule of law, making clear that there is one set of rules for everyone. We'll continue to move our suit forward to ensure that the Trump Foundation and its directors are held to account for their clear and repeated violations of state and federal law."

Look, we're the first to admit we'll miss the Trump Foundation a little. We've had fun reporting on its repulsive actions under the guise of philanthropy. Remember how DTF used funds to buy awful portraits of Trump's stupid face? Or when Trump used foundation funds to make a campaign contribution to Pam Bondi, the Florida attorney general he needed to buy off? Or when he used the foundation (allegedly) as a tax dodge? And who can forget Trump swiping more than $250,000 from the foundation to settle the many lawsuits that can crop up when you're a total shyster. Just in case you're thinking of setting up your own scam "charity" for fun and profit, pretty much all of this is illegal.

Underwood stresses that despite the dissolution of the Trump Foundation, the state's lawsuit is "ongoing." Incoming attorney general Letitia James had already promised to bring the ruckus to the Trumps. I get the feeling they're going to wish they'd never gotten into the fake charity business.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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