Everything is so batshit today, so please take a moment to mark in your mind that the United States, which is in the throes of the worst novel coronavirus epidemic in the world, which is rapidly growing, reached and surpassed 100,000 confirmed deaths today.

We'd say we've reached peak MAGA, but Donald Trump is such a fuckup, we don't want to underestimate how big this death count could eventually get with his tiny hands on the steering wheel.

If it helps you conceptualize how many Americans have now died — died with a confirming coronavirus test, that is, the real numbers are obviously much higher — because of Trump's useless and malignant presidency, that is approximately the same number as the populations of each of the following cities:

  • Boulder, Colorado
  • Green Bay, Wisconsin
  • Las Cruces, New Mexico
  • Burbank, California
  • South Bend, Indiana
  • Tuscaloosa, Alabama

Imagine one of those cities just gone like POOF, and that is how many (confirmed) deaths we have in America from COVID-19, because everything Donald Trump touches turns to death and despair.

So in light of all this, a question:

Do y'all think Trump should eat insulin, or inject it into his body along with a tanning bed full of UV light, or maybe put some Lysol on top of an insulin wafer and use it to cure coronavirus, and probably also cancer? We are just asking The president is just asking.

No really, at a White House event about senior citizens with diabetes Tuesday afternoon, Trump just wondered whether he should "use insulin":

TRUMP: I don't use insulin. Should I be? Huh? I never thought about it.

Welllllll, Donald. Are you diabetic?

Oh fuck it, just put some insulin in a hydroxychloroburger and see if he eats it. Might be a fun White House afternoon game!

Later in the event, a funny reporter decided to ask if there were any known reasons on God's green earth why a non-diabetic person would "use insulin." They probably thought to themselves, "I am going to WIN THE NEWS by getting Trump to answer this!" Instead Trump punted to Surgeon General Jerome Adams, who explained that even if you don't "use insulin," your body makes insulin, so you totally use it already, President Medical Doctor!

From the actual official White House transcript, which we almost wouldn't blame them for trying to edit on the fly, to soften the stupid:

ADAMS: Your body, Mr. President, actually makes insulin endogenously. And people such as you and I, we make our own insulin. So, yes, we do utilize insulin, but we make it ourselves.


"Ah," said Trump, who learned something that day. And then likely immediately forgot it.

You readers seem like people who want more random dumb shit from Trump this afternoon, so here is Trump getting very confused at the same senior diabeetus event about why Joe Biden wears masks outside, when he doesn't even wear one in the basement alone with his wife.

Nope, can't do it, cannot process that, not right now. You can't make us.

If you want EVEN MORE random dumb shit from the president, y'all really oughta read your Gabe Sherman, which is about Trump's belief that the coronavirus pandemic — 100,000 confirmed dead — is, in fact, all about him, because it's boning his already slim re-election chances.

"He was just in a fucking rage," said a person who spoke with Trump late last week. "He was saying, 'This is so unfair to me! Everything was going great. We were cruising to reelection!" [...]

"The problem is he has no empathy," the adviser said. Trump complained that he should have been warned about the virus sooner. "The intelligence community let me down!" he said.

Told you. And you know who tried to tell him early on how bad COVID could be, besides the intel community, which ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY told him? Melania, that's right, Melania, we are now relying on MELANIA to be the only person in Trump's entire life to give him #BeBest suggestions for how not to kill everybody in pandemics:

According to a source, Melania Trump warned the president during their trip to India in February to take the virus response seriously. "He totally blew her off," the source said. Melania later told people that Trump "only hears what he wants to hear and surrounds himself with yes-people and family," the source added.

Well, that sounds about right.

Finally, here's Trump screaming at his hairball campaign manager Brad Parscale, for showing him poll numbers that don't look very good:

"Trump has been screaming at Brad, 'How many fucking times do I have to tell you I don't like this! Are you fucking stupid?'" said a Republican who's overheard the conversations.

That's pretty rough, and we have heard they've been fighting lately.

100,000 dead. And this is the president whose name will be tattooed on all their graves — and the graves of however many more before this is all over — for all time.

But sure, baby, it's all about you.


[White House / Vanity Fair]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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