Trump's Legal Team May Suck At Law, But As Covid Superspreaders They Really Are 'Elite Strike Force'

Donald Trump's Elite Strike Force legal team cuts a wide path of destruction — and we're not just talking about in court!

The Arizona legislature is currently shut down multiple Michigan politicians are in quarantine after the president's illustrious lawyer Rudy "Normal Scrutiny" Giuliani exposed them all to Covid-19 last week. Who could have predicted that the worst thing to come out of those stupid hearings alleging vote fraud wouldn't be video of Mellisa Carone chewing the furniture?

And now Axios is reporting that yet another member of the legal dream team has tested positive for coronavirus.

Can Covid be transmitted via farts? Asking for Trump lawyer idiot Jenna Ellis, last seen carousing bareback maskless at the White House Christmas party on Friday as the guest of resident economics kook Peter Navarro.

"People brought their families," whined one senior White House official to Axios upon learning of potential exposure thanks to the president's very legal and very cool counsel. Which rather begs the question, of course. Because who in their right mind would bring their family to the Covid hotspot on Pennsylvania Avenue, site of multiple outbreaks, to party hearty with a bunch of lunatics who still think hydroxychloroquine is a magic cure?

Apparently, Ellis was already persona non grata with the White House staff for getting the old man stirred up about these fantastical lawsuits to overturn the election, which serve only to make the rest of them look like sore losers or liars or idiots — most likely all of the above.

"She had the nerve to show up at the senior staff Christmas party knowing everyone was furious with her for constantly stirring Trump up with nonsense," fumed another senior administration official to Axios. Not that "everyone" or indeed anyone would put on their big girl panties and either tell the president the truth or walk out of the White House or, hell, even spend Friday night at home in silent protest during a viral pandemic that's killing 2,500+ Americans every single day.

Reached for comment by Axios's Jonathan Swan, Ellis first chastised him for texting her after midnight — "Rude" — and then claimed to be unaware that all the cool kids on the varsity team think she's a tacky hack.

"You must be more informed than me because I haven't heard that," she sniffed, before cutting off the communication.

Meanwhile, WNYC's Andrea Bernstein reached Guiliani, who is hospitalized and claims to be receiving the same treatment as the president, i.e. the Regeneron cocktail of antibodies synthesized from the blood of recovered Covid patients for which the FDA just issued an emergency authorization.

"You can overdo the mask," he told Bernstein, adding that "this is a curable disease." He was apparently unaware that Regeneron is planning to produce just 200,000 doses by year end, and only friends of POTUS can get an infusion of other people's antibodies on demand.


Well, in lieu of banhammering ourselves, Your Wonkette will simply wish the both of them a speedy and complete recovery. THE END.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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