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Donald Trump has picked yet another talker from Fox News for a top administration job, proving once again that knowing things is not nearly as important as being on TV. On May 5, Trump announced he was nominating Mark Morgan, who briefly served as the head of Border Patrol in the closing months of the Obama administration, to be the new head of Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Morgan replaced Trump's previous nominee, Ron Vitiello, who was shitcanned for not being "tough" enough. It was a bit of a surprise that Trump didn't go with Matthew Albence, the guy he'd picked to replace Vitiello as acting head of ICE, but perhaps advisors thought Albence might face confirmation trouble over his 2018 statement to Congress that government baby jails were a lot like "summer camps" Thank goodness there's no such public record of insane comments to get Mark Morgan in trouble!

You know, other than in some of the 80 times since January Morgan has been on Fox News to defend Trump's immigration policies as the wisest, smartest ideas ever, including a January 14 visit with Tucker Carlson in which Morgan claimed he could simply look at immigrant kids and predict which ones would become gangbangers (all of them, Tucker).


Here's the perfectly reasonable fearmongering about how all those immigrants are just waiting to MURDER US ALL. Just LOOK at the teenager in that still image, being hugged off camera by Nancy Pelosi, no doubt:

Is an immigration loophole letting MS-13 members go free? www.youtube.com

In the segment, Morgan touted his expertise as a former FBI agent who had done surveillance on MS-13, and said Congress could eliminate the threat posed by dangerous immigrants by passing a law to eliminate troublesome protections for migrant kids so they could be jailed forever like the Bible tells us to (fine, we added that last bit). What's more, he explained it's not hard to spot kids who'll become gang members, at least not for a sharp expert like Morgan:

"I've been to detention facilities where I've walked up to these individuals that are so-called minors, 17 or under. And I've looked at them and I've looked at their eyes, Tucker — and I've said that is a soon-to-be MS-13 gang member. It's unequivocal."

Carlson even came kind of close to understanding a point, noting that MS-13 in the US preys on other migrants -- which is true! So obviously, the only way to stay safe is to treat all migrant kids as gangbangers, like even the ones trying to escape MS-13. Distinguishing between "predators" and "prey" is just a lot of namby-pamby liberal nonsense. As Politico notes, in the charmingly quaint belief that facts make any difference,

The view that unaccompanied minors are more likely to become criminals is unsupported by statistical evidence. Studies have shown immigrants — legal and undocumented — are less likely to commit crimes than native-born Americans.

But assuming that all young migrants are potential machete murderers has been GREAT for Trump, and it's an essential part of Fox News's business model, so it stands to reason Trump would simply love Morgan. After all, Trump went to Long Island, New York, scene of some truly horrific crimes by MS-13 members, to whip up a frenzy about all the murderers and rapists posing as young people, and proclaiming that all the "unaccompanied alien minors" are a threat. "They look so innocent. They're not innocent."

Trump, of course, always leaves out the part where local and federal sweeps for MS-13 members also grab up a lot of kids who never did anything, but hey, they were Salvadoran, and isn't that enough? And with Mark Morgan running ICE, the agency will be free to keep its jackboots at the ready. If he's confirmed, of course, and so now we all have to start pestering our senators not to. In addition to his X-Ray Eyes, HuffPost offers plenty of reasons not to confirm this guy, whose main qualification to lead a major federal law enforcement agency really does seem limited to his willingness to shill on TV for absolutely everything Donald Trump says or does on immigration. His actual experience in immigration isn't especially broad, even:

A former U.S. Marine and two-decade veteran of the FBI, Morgan served two brief stints with Customs and Border Protection ― first a temporary post establishing the agency's internal affairs unit in 2014, and then four months heading the Border Patrol, a division of [Customs and Border Protection], as the Obama administration drew to a close in 2016.

Also amusing: When he served as Obama's Border Patrol chief, Morgan was actually condemned in a Breitbart op-ed by Brandon Judd, the far-right head of the Border Patrol union, as a "disgrace" who was too weak on immigrants, and nothing but a shill for that traitor Obama. Trump fired Morgan almost immediately after taking office; as HuffPo notes, "in a move likely influenced by the union, which took the unusual step of endorsing Trump in the 2016 presidential election."

Luckily for his career, since Morgan took to Fox News, other cable outlets, and wingnut media, he's really made himself one of Trump's biggest cheerleaders. A sampling!

The influx of tens of thousands of Central American families isn't just a "crisis," Morgan said, it's "the worst we've ever experienced in our history." Migrant kids locked up in Border Patrol custody aren't put in cages, he insisted more than once. The Trump administration "wasn't separating families," it was just following the law, Morgan said. Trump had "no choice" but to declare a national emergency to shore up funds for the border wall, he said.

And yes, he's dutifully condemned Democrats as advocates of "open borders" and complained that "activist judges" are out to ruin America. Fox News and Fox Business started pushing Morgan as a nominee, and on May 4, Morgan himself graciously accepted a Trump nomination that hadn't actually been made:

"If this president asked me to come up, I'd say yes in a heartbeat," Morgan said. "This isn't based on ideology, this is based on 30 years of law enforcement, and I know this border. The president's doing the right thing, he's right on this issue, and if he asks, I'd go work for him in a heartbeat."

And wouldn't you know it, the very next day, Trump named him to head ICE. What we'd like to know is when Trump will call for the staff of Fox News to officially move into the West Wing, since clearly that organization is doing the real work of governing this country.

Also, if any Fox News interns are reading, could you please futz with Tucker's teleprompter so he calls on Donald Trump to build WALL out of pasta? We'd love to see his tweets the next day.

[HuffPo / Politico / ProPublica/New York / Frontline]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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