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Take THAT, Trump.


If you know us for personal, you know that we love Fiona Apple very much. And that is why we're happy to show you a Christmas present Fiona made for you, and for us, and for Donald Trump. You see, she changed the words to "The Christmas Song" AKA "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire." Instead of CHESTnuts, it is Trump's nuts! Here, have a listen, lyrics after the jump:

Trump's nuts roasting on an open fire

as he keeps nipping at his foes.

you'll cry creepy uncle

every time he arrives

for he keeps clawing at your clothes

everybody knows some money and entitlement

can help to make the season white

mothers of color with their kids out of sight

will find it hard to sleep at night.

They know that truuump is on his way.

he's got black boys in hoodies locked up on his sleigh

and every working man is going to cry

when they learn that Letch don't care how you live or if you die

Sooo I'm offering this simple phrase

to kids from 1 to 92

although it's been said many times, many ways

Merry Christmas to you

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas

Donald Trump, fuck you

Paper Magazine says Trump "HAD BETTER NOT" tweet about Fiona Apple, and we'd agree.

The wingnut website Newsbusters is having a shitfit explosion all over the ugly Christmas sweater its Nana knitted for it, giving it a "language warning," calling it "vulgar," and just generally being like "OH MY STARS!" It also offers the Nat King Cole version as a "palate cleanser." We'll include the Nat King Cole version too, because we're feeling Christmassy:

See, Newsbusters? You can rightly mock Donald Trump AND love old Christmas classics at the same time!

The point of this post is that Donald Trump is so fucking screwed, and the artists of America will make sure of it.

Want more Fiona Apple? Here are our two favorite covers she ever did, "Pure Imagination" from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory, and Elvis Costello's "I Want You," which she performed WITH Elvis Costello. She basically stoled the song from him, and he seemed more than happy about that.

Yay, music and making fun of Donald Trump, we'll see you tomorrow, byeeeeee.

[Dok jumps in like a troublemaker to insist on including the guy who wrote it, Mel Torme, though it is fair to argue the Nat King Cole version is superior]

Oh hey, it's Evan, talking at you again! Wanna know what goes great with Christmas music, whether it's about chestnuts or Trump's nuts? BLUE HATS THAT SAY "HELL. NO." Because just like Fiona Apple, we and all patriotic Americans are A-LOOKIN' FOR A FIGHT, to preserve American freedom and democracy and the Constitution, keeping them safe from Donald Trump for many generations to come! BUY YOURS HERE!

[h/t Pitchfork]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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