Trump's Personal Pussycat Doll Is Dumb And Wrong On The Internet!
The impeachment inquiry against Donald Trump has turned most of Twitter into amateur constitutional scholars. Everyone has a game theory of dubious merit, but Trump supporter Kaya Jones yesterday offered the most uniquely stupid take.
Yeah, so, girlfriend is not "reading correctly." Whenever someone makes their own literacy a hypothetical, they clearly have no idea what they're talking about: "If -- and nothing's certain here -- I'm correctly interpreting these words and symbols, my absurd statement must be true."
Trump is the reality TV president so it's fitting that his supporters would think his impeachment would function like a reality TV show. Trump is either removed from office or he becomes president for life. Is there a "legislative coup" waiting for Nancy Pelosi behind the curtain or will she have to accept a 1959 Edsel as consolation prize? Defeated Democrats would leave the Senate with just the home version of "Impeachment!" and Trump would get his pick of shiny new Melanias.
Zonked! A contestant gets a beat-up 1959 Edsel Villager wagon on Let's Make a Deal in 1973 youtu.be
Where did Jones even come up with this crackpot notion? It's nowhere in the Constitution and I honestly wish it was. Republicans gave Bill Clinton an impeachment for Christmas of 1998. He returned it unopened early the next year when the Senate failed to remove him. If that "nullified" his second term in office, Clinton could've run again in 2000 and spared us George W. Bush. Why is Jones tormenting us with Sliding Doors fantasies?
To her credit, Jones is willing to show her work. She directs the students in her online constitutional law class to Quora.com. You know all the screening that site's content receives. I followed the link and couldn't find anything that supports her claim. I'm sure I was reading correctly.
If you're wondering why you should care what Kaya Jones says or thinks, I can't help you there. She's the Pete Best of the Pussycat Dolls, which she's repeatedly called a "prostitution ring." (Pete Best said the same thing about The Beatles -- I kid.) She left before the girl group's debut album and there's "controversy" over whether she was ever an "official" member. She herself claims she was the "worst part" of the group. She's pursued a solo career since 2004 with the comparative success of Wile E. Coyote's pursuit of the Road Runner. She describes herself as a "Grammy-winning artist" because she "appeared" on Christian singer Jason Crabb's Grammy-winning album "Unexpected." I've never been in her living room but I don't think there's an actual Grammy there. (Quora.com also doubts it.)
Conservatives dig Jones because she's an "outspoken" supporter of President Moat Maker. I don't know why the media feels it's necessary to describe any Trump supporter as "outspoken." I've yet to meet one who would shut up about it. She's appeared on Sean Hannity's show several times and has even matched reading skills with Lara Trump.
Jones is on the advisory board of Women for Trump. She's also the Native American ambassador for the president's National Diversity Coalition. She claims to have Apache ancestry but no tribe claims her. That's not just because they've heard her sing. She's not a member of any federally recognized Native American tribe.
Yes, this all happened while Trump was calling Elizabeth Warren "Pocahontas." He never fails to find new ways to disgust us. Fortunately, Jones is as wrong as her purple hair and an impeached Trump won't get a do-over presidential term. ZONK!
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).