Trump's UK State Visit Off To Smashing Start, Pip Pip You Betcha!

Hooray, at long last, in the third year of his presidency, Donald Trump has been granted a state visit to the United Kingdom, America's steadfast ally, which absolutely despises him. And surprise, he's already fucking it up! If things go like they've been going already -- he's only been wheels down in London for a matter of hours -- it might be the most embarrassing week in American history to date.

Of course, Trump's fuckups started before he landed, because he was very upset that the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, had taken her status as a brand new mom with a newborn as the perfect excuse to nope out of having to cavort with the trash-ass president of the United States, whom she despises. Trump called her "nasty," because he is thin-skinned and misogynistic and has to retaliate when a woman expresses her disgust in his general direction. The Trump campaign called the reports of him calling her "nasty" FAKE NEWS on Twitter, and to prove it, they tweeted the recording of Trump calling her "nasty."

Then, as Trump's big airplane started to descend on a place that wishes to expel him, he got on his Twitter machine:

What a proud moment for American-British relations.

Sadiq Khan hates Donald Trump, like all rational human beings hate Donald Trump. Khan makes this clear on a regular basis. Can't imagine why, Trump has always been so nice to Muslims in the past. OH WAIT JUST KIDDING. Trump used the occasion of a terrorist attack in London specifically to criticize London's Muslim mayor, who started criticizing Trump in the first place because of his bigoted Muslim ban.

Trump, for his part, is very triggered by the existence of Sadiq Khan, who refused to remove that funny Donald Trump diaper baby blimp from the sky last year, which hurt the American president's feelings very bigly. Khan also consistently speaks up when Trump pulls Muslim-hating shit, like the time Trump retweeted fake anti-Muslim torture porn from British white supremacists. Khan specifically said in 2017 after Trump did that that Trump did not deserve to be feted with a state visit. (And he still doesn't.) Not long after that, Trump stomped his feet and whined and canceled a planned January 2018 trip to the UK, and lied about why he was doing it. (He blamed Barack Obama for doing a bad deal when the decision was made to move the US embassy. Sure why not. Beats having to confront the fact that the entire country was just waiting for Trump to land so they could call him a piece of shit in diverse and varied British accents.)

And of course, Khan's city, London, hates Donald Trump, like all rational civilized cities full of nice and funny and smart and successful people hate Trump.

It's understandable -- if you try to imagine being as much of a sad-ass whiny baby poopypants loser as Trump is -- why he would have felt an obsessive need with landing the first punch on Khan, before he even landed. It's sad, but it's understandable, if you try to put yourself into the void where Trump's soul should be.

But what prompted this current temper tantrum from Trump? Did Sadiq Khan dress up as John McCain for Spirit Week at the mayor's office? Nah, but it might have something to do with how Khan wrote an op-ed in The Guardian this weekend saying Trump is still fucking unwelcome, because of Trump's role in emboldening far right white supremacists and Nazis around the globe.

You know, just maybe.

Trump is also upset about another thing.

LOL President Poop Clown can't watch Fox News, and it is driving. him. batshit.

For live updates of Trump's latest embarrassing performance on foreign soil, the New York Timeshas a ticker going. Trump took a helicopter to Buckingham Palace, we guess because he's too chickenshit to ride in a motorcade through throngs of people protesting his very existence. (The Times points out that Barack Obama took a motorcade in 2011, and everybody blew kisses at him throughout the route, and all was good and well in the world.)

Today, Trump is doing all the pageantry of bumblefucking through ceremonies with the royals. (But not Meghan Markle.) Tomorrow, the Times reports that Trump will meet with outgoing prime minister Theresa May. Also, the Times says the funny diaper baby blimp will be a-flyin' tomorrow, so look for MAJOR tantrums from Trump if he sees it. And then on Wednesday he leaves the UK to go embarrass America in Ireland.

The point is, the week is young, and Trump will horrify the entire world a lot, and this is just our life now. God save the queen, etc.!

Here, watch some of the festivities if you like things that are unsettling and sad:

Queen Elizabeth II welcomes President Donald Trump to Buckingham Palace | USA

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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