Trumpy, Unf*ckable, And Shunned By Polite Society? DC's Hottest Club Is ...
Oh good, we have another story from the genre of "look at these sad Trump idiot staffers, who can't even eat 12 KFC Double Downs or find a boning partner on Tinder without being lightly made fun of or denied sex or LITERALLY MURDERED BY ANTIFA." Every so often we find a sad story like this, about how unlike staffers from every other administration (yes including the Republican ones), who had normal lives and lived close to the White House in the same neighborhoods every other administration's staffers did, Trump's people are SAD and DEJECTED and REJECTED and SHUT UP, WE ARE NOT EITHER SAD, AND WE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE IN YOUR CLUB ANYWAYS!
They live in their own neighborhoods, down there around the Wharf and Navy Yard, because those are gauche and nondescript blank slates, just like they are. And for real, nobody will sleep with them, because Tinder is a "swipe left for Trump people" zone in DC, and we imagine all their screennames are MAGACOCK45 anyway, and that's kind of a dead giveaway.
And now Politico -- of course it's Politico -- has gone on another Cletus Coitus Safari into the mysterious hinterlands of the "45 Club," which is the hottest club for disaffected Trump staffers (WHO DIDN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU ANYWAY). Also it does not have an address. And to be clear, this particular article isn't about how they're All Dressed Up With Nobody To Fuck, we are just assuming that is still their status quo, and as evidence, we'd like to point to Stephen Miller's latest immigration crackdown, which just probably wouldn't be happening if Trump folks were getting laid.
As we noted, the 45 Club does not have an address, because then people would know where they were located, which is scary.
"In this political climate, there's a lot of people who would not have pure intentions of coming to network," explained a former campaign staffer familiar with the club. "They may be trying to infiltrate."
We'd make fun of that, but TBH we would probably try to sneak in to see what we could see. MAYBE WE HAVE ALREADY. And it's perfectly OK that they need their safe spaces and snowflake zones.
"When you've kept the Washington Illuminati at a distance, I think you're more likely to form groups of your own," explained one club member.
LOL, put your thing down, flip it and reverse it, because the "Washington Illuminati" has kept you at a distance. Get it together and remember who rejected whom, you dorks.
Anyway, the group has a special lapel pin! It is a bullet casing! isn't that RAWR SO TOUGH AND REPUBLI-COOL?
No word on if they have cool official membership cards, like these that the Trump campaign is reportedly sending to lonely losers in exchange for hard earned dollars:
Hot straight bros like Anthony Scaramucci, Corey Lewandoski and what's-his-name, the overgrown hairball Brad Parscale, who looks like he smells of regret and adult bedwetting -- they all do stuff with 45 Club! And a lot of other guys do, too! It sounds like it's mostly guys! Just a lotta really cool guys.
And oh yeah, one of the co-founders of the group is indicted Paul Manafort associate Rick Gates's brother, Paul! "Hey brah, where's Paul?" "He's right over there drinking Mickey Ultra with the Mooch, brah!" That is probably a conversation they have at the 45 Club a whole lot.
Not everybody in Trumplandia is down with 45 Club, though:
"They're trying to create an exclusive club because they've been banned from every other exclusive club in D.C.," sniped one former campaign staffer.
That is pretty pathetic.
Politico notes that 45 Club is not the same as the monthly early bird get-together for supporters of El Dipshit Presidente that happens at the Trump hotel, which is similarly named. We are not certain what would happen if the groups got each other mixed up, but we bet it would be quite a donnybrook!
If you'd like to apply to join Circle Jerkin' With The Trump Bros, please send an email to somebody, literally anybody, who can help you reconsider your life choices and get your life's ship back on track.
Also, you may now have an OPEN THREAD.
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