Tucker Just Wants To Protect Russia And World From Brutal Dictator Of ... Ukraine?

So here we are, waiting to see if Russia is going to invade Ukraine by the end of the Winter Olympics. Maybe there is some hope Russia might be stepping away from the brink. Maybe. Nobody in Washington is relaxing, obviously.

And of course, this is all happening as Russia again shows the world that it can't win without cheating, singlehandedly ruining the Olympics because its 15-year-old figure skating star Kamila Valieva somehow mysteriously tested positive around Christmas for a banned substance, like oh golly how did that get there? And now athletes of all sports are reminded that if they're competing against Russian competitors, there's a good chance they're playing dirty. Wait, did we say "Russian" competitors? Sorry, we meant "ROC" competitors, because Russians are the only athletes who aren't allowed to compete at the Games under their own country's name, precisely because of doping violations.

Russia: We're not good enough to be a real country, so instead we just steal stuff and cheat.


Back in America, the Kremlin's usual fanboys continue to flick their own beans in celebration of the great Putin's impending invasion of a sovereign democracy, and last night Tucker Carlson led the way by falsely claiming the leader of Ukraine is a dictator. Not the leader of Russia, the leader of Ukraine. Now, Tucker is obviously full of shit, and everybody knows it. Last night he reported that Canada has now become a dictatorship. Tucker also lied last night and said Russia didn't hack the DNC in 2016. Honestly, there wasn't much Russian propaganda Tucker didn't spew during last night's show.

But this was a new one, at least to our knowledge:

Tucker was bitching that nobody supports his mother Russia (his original mother left him when he was a child), because everybody calls Ukraine a democracy and meanly says Russia is a dictatorship. Putting on his best high-pitched "I know you are but what am I?" voice, Tucker said Ukraine is actually "run by a dictator who's friends with everyone in Washington." Did Tucker give evidence for this? Just in that braindead way you talk when you know your entire audience are morons who don't know how to operate Google without wiring money to a stranger.

Mediaite has some quotes:

Carlson said the country’s main opposition figure “is now under arrest and the opposition media, the TV stations, have been shut down by the government.”

“That’s how a dictatorship operates,” he said, before he noted, “It should make you very nervous that Joe Biden, Susan Rice and the National Security Advisor kid, they’re all telling us with a straight face… it’s a democracy.”

Carlson further commented that “no country that jails its opposition leader is a democracy.”

So, first of all Volodymyr Zelensky, the president of Ukraine, was democratically elected by his people in a fair election. As for the rest of that out-of-context garbage, the opposition guy is Viktor Medvedchuk, a pro-Russian Putin asslicker who's currently charged with treason. The media that got shut down? Purveyors of Russian propaganda believed to be owned by Medvedchuk, according to Radio Free Europe.

Now look. We're not going to pretend we know the ins and outs of this case, or that we can either vouch for Ukrainian prosecutors or condemn them for doing tyranny to this poor guy. We're not going to talk out of our asses like a common Tucker Carlson. But we will note that the guy is reportedly so close to Vladimir Putin that Putin is his daughter's godfather, and Radio Free Europe reports specifically that dude is "accused of colluding to finance Russia-backed separatist forces in eastern Ukraine." So it seems at the very least like Tucker is leaving out some really pertinent information in making his case that Zelensky of Ukraine is the REAL dictator.

So that was some good Tucker.

Meanwhile, Alex Jones, who's basically Tucker with less money, also has been discussing Russian and Ukrainian geopolitics. Surprise, we have it all wrong, Russia is the victim here, Russia never attacked anybody, but you know what DID happen? George Soros cut off all the boys' testicles, and that's just what Russia is trying to prevent, by invading countries and stealing their land. Do you want George Soros to CUT OFF ALL THE TESTICLES?

JONES: So how do you position Americans when you're escalating your attack, when you're punching the Russians harder and harder every day, sending in super high tech A-class weapons, what do you do? You say, “Oh my God, the Russians are about to attack!” So you're punching the Russians in the face. “Any day now the Russians are going to invade! The Russians are going to invade any moment! The Russians are going to —” and they're firing missiles, artillery's blowing up, firing at them, and it's like, “The Russians any day are going to attack! The Russians any day are going to attack!” And then if the Russians show any footage of how they're being killed and slaughtered and things are blowing up and houses on fire and power plants are being vaporized, the news goes, “That's a false flag! The Russians blew up their own stuff!”

So again, the Russians are in Eastern Ukraine, they're in a few other areas that they've annexed like Crimea and they're under attack. And the globalists just keep expecting in the offensive they've already launched against the Russian-held areas that the Russians are going to strike back and then that's called the Russian invasion, just like in Georgia in 2008 and that's just the facts, ladies and gentlemen. That's the facts. George Soros is there to take scalps, which are all the boys' testicles and the Russians and some Ukrainians don't want their sons' balls literally chopped off.

We look forward to Tucker's report on the chopped testicles tonight. Quite frankly we can't believe he hasn't talked about it yet.

[Media Matters / Mediaite]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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