Tucker Carlson And Candace Owens Saw A Wet 'A'-Word 'P'-Word, And They Are MAD

Well, it's happened. The reverse cancel culture Fox News has been warning us about. Yes, Mr. Potato Head has been cast into hell, and Dr. Seuss is a name Americans dare not say even under their breaths, as they secretly pass each other copies of The Cat In The Hat wrapped in nondescript packaging.

But Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion did their famous "Wet Ass P-Word" song on the Grammy awards Sunday night, which means it is the national anthem now! Truly, the future we were warned of has come to pass.

And Tucker Carlson is MAD.

And Tucker Carlson's guest Candace Owens, last seen on Wonkette declaring that the schools have stopped teaching math and science, and replaced them with mandatory classes on how to hate white people, is MAD.

That's right, Tucker Carlson, fresh off his week of attacking women in the United States military, seemingly for no other reason than how he is deathly afraid of them, started off this week ... seemingly deathly afraid of women! And WET ASS P-WORD, as Ben Shapiro would say in his dulcet tones.

Except his Fox News chyron did not even describe it as "Wet Ass P-Word." Instead it became "Wet A** P****":

Oh dear. Media Matters's Andrew Lawrence reports that they just kept showing the video of the Grammy performance that upset them so much. Especially one certain part of it:

Was Tucker so mad about it he went and watched it by himself again afterward in a dark room with the door closed and locked, just so he could really RAAAAAAGE at it? We do not know what Tucker Carlson does after hours, and hopefully, none of us ever will.

"NO MORE DUMBO! It's too filthy," Tucker exclaimed before bringing on Candace Owens for mutual complaining time.

"It's hard not to conclude they're intentionally trying to degrade our culture and hurt our children," Tucker said.

"Dr. Seuss: gone. Mr. Potato Head: problematic, not enough genders available," said Owens as if the "Wet Ass Pussy" was the children's toy that had replaced Seuss and the Potato. She added, "We've seen going through the supermarket as a traumatizing experience, we lost Aunt Jemima last year, we lost Land O' Lakes Butter last year, we lost Uncle Ben and his rice last year, because everything is so traumatizing for children to look at," as if those brands are all GONE, and the only syrup, butter and rice choices allowed under our new tyrannical government come from the "Wet Ass Pussy" brand. (FACTCHECK: That brand only sells macaroni in a pot. HA HA, you get joke?)

And what was the Grammy performance? Candace Owens called it "a lesbian sex scene being simulated on television, and this is considered feminist!" (It's a silly sex song for grown-ups. Tucker and Candace Owens clearly would not understand.)

It was also "corrosion" and "the end of an empire," yes definitely those things, that's what the silly dirty sexxxy Grammy performance was, according to Owens:

"We are celebrating perversity in America," exclaimed Owens. "They're trying to degrade us," Tucker whined on and on and on. "No energy is spent at all trying to contain pornography, which is literally everywhere online," he continued. "Not just people having sex, but like stuff that probably kinda hurt your brain if you looked at enough of it!" Tucker yelped, not that he knows anything about such brain-hurting pornos.

If you want more commentary from the video above, you will have to watch it for yourself. Owens said more of her shit about how they no longer teach math and science, but only how to hate white people, and we guess schools will now also have to teach all children to recite the "Wet Ass Pussy" song instead of doing the Pledge of Allegiance. Tucker said more about how it was "totally degrading," and then whined that people accuse people like HIM of hating women. "Who hates women, really?" he asked.

As for the performers themselves, Cardi B showed appropriate remorse for offending the Fox News "It's Not Cancel Culture When Our Side Does It" tribunal:

Wap wap wap indeed!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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