Tucker Carlson on 'Dancing With the Stars,' Day One

Tucker, we still don't know what the hell you're doing. While it would provide so, so much more material for us if you continued on, we cannot in good conscience recommend that our readers vote for you (if you really want to, you can find your own way to the Dancing With the Stars website -- you have until noon EDT). IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. And yes, Tucker got the lowest score of the night.

For those keeping track at home: Al Sharpton and James Carville want you to vote for Tucker. Tom DeLay wants you to vote for the country singer whose name we can't remember. Jerry Springer has no support even from his fellow Democrats. We just want someone to shoot Tom Bergeron. Especially if we hear one more goddamn joke about facing down foreign-accented judges being scarier than war correspondence.

And America, please don't let A.C. Slater win.


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