Tucker Carlson Proves President Bannon Hasn't Beheaded Anybody (That We Know Of)
Boy howdy, the Washington Postfound us a funny to look at! It is a chart Fox News dildo giblet Tucker Carlson used to PROVE DEFINITELY that Steve Bannon, the president of America, is nowhere near as bad as Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi, the president of ISIS, which was founded by Hillary Clinton. Here, try to argue with this airtight logic:
Steve Bannon hasn't beheaded journalists YET. Steve Bannon hasn't used chemical weapons on Kurds THAT WE KNOW OF. Steve Bannon does not employ child soldiers because all human children recoil and run away screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" when they see him, so he doesn't have a chance to recruit them. Steve Bannon doesn't mass execute Christians, because hello, it is the Jews and the Muslims he does not like. And finally, Steve Bannon may not have declared a Caliphate, but he sure is trying to remake the American presidency in his own white supremacist Christian image!
There. Fixed it.
Now, as the WaPo points out, Tucker Carlson's bullshit chart is bullshit. Carlson was mad at a USA Today editorial that said President Bannon and Al-Baghdadi have a similar worldview, in that they share "visions of a clash of civilizations between Islam and the West." That is true! Bannon wants holy war with Islam, and his bigotry and his Muslim bans are a hell of a recruitment tool for ISIS, a group that wants Islamic holy war with the West.
So Tucker Carlson, who is a hack, made a chart that does nothing to refute the editorial he's too stupid to understand (maybe Tucker can't read), but serves to distract the average Fox News viewer, who is currently drunk on Natural Light and shamelessly eating the Funyuns he just found in the sofa cushions, from how President Bannon and the ISIS leader have something very significant in common!
Heckuva job, dipshit.
Also? This is your open thread!
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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