Poor Tucker.


BREAKING NEWS because it doesn't happen often: Tucker Carlson, as you may have ascertained from the headline (because you are SMART is why) is sorta kinda a tiny bit correct about a thing! But not all the way, don't worry. You're not about to enter "The Twilight Zone" or anything. But check this out:

You can't use force. You can, you know, articulate your ideas, you can debate people you disagree with. You can't use force. You can't prevent people from listening, you can't prevent people from traveling, you can't hit people.

[contextly_sidebar id="pBHYZ7wOTESwy3uEszwj8uwaMzydvfTC"]Now, you might think Tucker is having an about face, some sort of Come To Jesus about how he used to beat the F-U-K out of gays in bathrooms (ALLEGEDLY, according to Tucker, who might just be telling tall tales to make his penis feel better about being a very minor appendage), and maybe he thinks that's bad now.

[contextly_sidebar id="Zf6rsRvdtPrTtmi6McmCpT5FBNdAZQrf"]BUT NO! He is actually commenting on how mean all those nasty Trump protesters are being to the thin-lipped human beef tips who support Donald Trump for president. And he's right! Trump protesters should not hit people, just like Trump supporters should not beat the fuck out of people, like how they always do. 

Unfortunately, Tucker doubles back and returns to a stance he finds more comfortable, which is Being A Idiot. He quotes a man named Bryan Sanders, who got beat up at a Trump rally in Tucson Saturday:

"I was protesting his fascism, his racism, his lies, his women-hating." Not one of these is an issue! ... They're protesting his soul! ... All the criticism of Trump is about his moral qualities! I don't think we should have a presidential campaign based on that.

[contextly_sidebar id="B7TXXjUYkboi95YoVl1WxDCDTDg70Cdy"]Ooh those mean liberals, going after a presidential candidate for his moral values, OH MY GOD. We should point out that this is the same Tucker Carlson who thinks it's A-OK to go after Bill Clinton for mouth-boning Monica Lewinsky, but thought it very uncouth to discuss how Sen. David Vitter likes to do the hoo-hoo-stanky with prostitutes while wearing Luvs brand diapers, available at your local David Vitter Diaper Emporium.

It's also the same Tucker Carlson who is such a pussy he hides his little peen sprinkle between his legs when he sees Hillary Clinton on TV, because he's so scurred. That's not relevant to this story really, but it makes us LOL.

So anyway, we get it. Punching is bad, Trump protesters shouldn't do it, and Trump supporters shouldn't do it, but it's super mean of those protesters to put Donald Trump's moral values on trial. It would be OK to do that if he was a Democrat, though.

Fuck you, Tucker, even when you are 33 percent right about a thing.

We'll give the very esteemed presidential candidate Trump the final word, speaking from one of his beat-ass rallies in a clip the Fox News team played:

We don't have problems, and the problems we have are very minor and nobody gets hurt, but you watch the media, it's like WHOWHOOOWOWHOAOA-(HANDS-WAVING)-WHOAOAOAOAOA.

Cool, there are no problems at Trump rallies, except for the small ones, so we guess we and Tucker Carlson and all the other medias can stop WHOWHOWOAHWOAHOA-ing about it. We're kind of bored by it, honestly.

[Crooks & Liars]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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