Tucker Would Like To Make A Prostate Analogy Now

fox news
Tucker Would Like To Make A Prostate Analogy Now

Tucker has a piece of "unsolicited advice" for us, about how to be cool and not boring. Isn't he the guy you'd go to for that? OK, good, definitely, us too.

Tucker doesn't want to talk about COVID anymore, and he says if you live somewhere that people still talk about COVID, even after all these (two) years, you should move. He says talking about COVID after all these (two) years is like if you told everybody about your prostate every day. No, really. "Imagine telling people about your prostate every day," says Tucker, with his words. He says sure, COVID has killed a lot of people (over 800,000 in America), but prostate cancer kills too (34,000 this year per Aaron Rupar, who'd better be right because we're too lazy to look it up).

OK, so are you still with us, or did "Tucker" and "prostate" in the same sentence drive you to gouge your eyeballs out with wooden spoons?

Let's continue: Tucker says if your neighbors talk about COVID every day, you need to move, "not because your neighbors are brainwashed, though obviously they have been." Brainwashed to believe what, exactly? Tucker doesn't know, the dumbfuck octogenarian white supremacists who watch him every day probably spend half his monologue on the toilet, it doesn't have to make sense.

But no, he says you need to move because your neighbors are "boring" if they still talk about COVID. And this is when he says this would be just like talking about your prostate every day. Which Tucker says would also be boring.

"People would know that you were a narcissist. No one would sit next to you at dinner. You would be BOORISH."

Yep, Tucker knows how people are. "I don't want to sit next to Dale at dinner! He just talks about his prostate, like a BOORISH NARCISSIST!" That's what people say all the time, we bet, about Dale, the Boorish Prostate Narcissist.

And Tucker says that kind of prostate talk is exactly what "COVID talk sounds like to the" — savor this one, kids! — "to the well-adjusted among us."

That's right. Tucker Carlson just deigned to tell other people who is "well-adjusted" and who is not. Because Tucker Carlson is definitely who we think of when we think of "well-adjusted."

Anyway, Tucker says you "miss everything else" when you always talk about COVID. Tucker elaborates, explaining that babies are born and elderly people die (maybe because they didn't get vaccinated because they watch Tucker) and oh, Tucker says, there are so many more splendid things, and talking about COVID keeps us from talking about all these things.

You know, like "well-adjusted" people do.

Hey, watch the video if you wanna hear Tucker say the word "prostate" out loud.

Cool monologue, buddy.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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