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Send many weepy alohas to Hawaii's second Congressional District, because Tulsi Gabbard has announced she will not be running for Congress again in 2020. (Super-cool dude named Kai Kahele was probably gonna beat her in the primary anyway. Donate him here!) Instead, she is very focused on losing the Democratic primary, where she is polling at approximately LOL percent, and dueling with Hillary Clinton in the imaginary presidential election that's happening in her mind. After that, maybe she will do a third-party spoiler run, so that we can all be assured that Hillary Clinton was exactly right when she called Gabbard a Republican asset without actually saying Gabbard's name. (She SWEARS she's not gonna do that. She SWEARS.)


Gabbard posted a bunch of garbage on Twitter last night in announcing her intention to stop Congressing:

She posted more garbage this morning announcing her intention to quit Congress, acting as if this was first announcement of it, even though she also posted it last night. It is all very interesting garbage, we are sure.

On Tuesday, Gabbard posted a very angry video about how Hillary Clinton ruined the world, demanding Hillary descend from her "throne" so Gabbard can catch her with this Poké Ball and Razz Berry right here.

On Wednesday, Gabbard posted the very same angry video about how Hillary Clinton ruined the world, demanding Hillary descend from her throne, GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL, TULSI!

Trouble for Tulsi Gabbard, of course, is that despite the fact that her race against Hillary Clinton is happening entirely in Imagination Land, and despite how verily she has put on her robe and her wizard hat, she is actually losing that primary too, according to exclusive Wonkette reporting on recent polls taken by denizens of Tulsi Gabbard's daydreams.

On Thursday night, Gabbard was supposed to be doing a Latino town hall in Iowa, like a person running for the Democratic nomination for president of the United States. Instead she went on Hannity, like a Russian asset being groomed by Republicans to run as a third-party spoiler.

And guess what she was upset about NO GUESS, THREE GUESSES!

If you guessed, "She is mad at Democrats for lack of transparency in the impeachment process, using the same bullshit debunked talking points as Matt Gaetz did when he was doing skidmarks to the impeachment inquiry with the House Freedom Caucus Republicans," award yourself a sexxxy prize!

"I don't know what's going on in those closed-doors. We, as members of Congress, don't have access to the information that is being shared. And I think the American people deserve to know exactly what the facts are."

Sounds like Aunt Wizard Hat needs to read Wonkette's letter to Uncle Walter about the six things idiots don't understand about impeachment.

If you'd like to watch the entire Hannity appearance, you may clicketh here. Gabbard got in some good zingers about how President Hillary Clinton is sending bad messages to our soldiers, we guess because Hillary isn't BFFs with Assad or something, we dunno, didn't feel like watching the whole thing.

We will give Tulsi Gabbard credit for one thing. When Sean Hannity went on his acid trip about Hunter Biden and Ukraine and China, she did not bite.

She and Hannity really got along, though. Just like she and Tucker Carlson really get along. Golly what a Democrat she is.

She concluded by saying she and Sean Hannity probably don't have a lot in common, EXCEPT:

You and I agree on one very important point, and that is that the American people have had enough of Hillary Clinton and her warmongering policies.

Then she tried to do a moneybeg and Sean Hannity cut her off and it was pretty funny.

Hillary Clinton responded by going to Elijah Cummings's funeral and then going out for lunch or something, on account of how, though she may be living rent-free in Tulsi Gabbard's head, she is actually not running for president.

In summary and in conclusion, we hate the new Jill Stein. Also this is your OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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