Not pictured: Donald Trump's penis, off to the left

We were told that the evil dark forces of darkness had conspired to destroy democracy by not inflicting seven zillion Democratic debates on us. That's what we'd heard. There would be maybe one, and it would be about 15 minutes long, broadcast from your cousin's blogspot, at midnight-thirty on the holiday weekend between Sunday and Monday.

And yet here we are again -- again again -- to watch Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders have a boring dull grown-ass conversation with each other about how to Make America Great Again, with no mention of Donald Trump's penis. Pfffft. Pfffft, we say! If we can't have the D's guaranteed big-enough-for-ya D, what's even the point?

Oh right. The other D: democracy. Guess that's good too.

OK, might as well tune in, we guess. For America.