Sexytime Jesus Vacation

Jill Duggar Dillard and her husband, Arranged Husband Dillard (his name is "Derick"), are supposedly missionaries in Central America. You remember -- we reported on how their Beliebers were all mad about how it sure LOOKS like they're using all the donation moneys for their Dillard Family Ministries to sidehug each others' dicks around the globe, instead of ACTUALLY winning the souls of Central American gang members, for Jesus's army. Well, that story just got worse, because on top of how they might not even be DOING soul-winning in El Salvador (probably just lying on the beach, glad they're away from their brother, Sister-Fingers), it appears they don't have the proper licenses to win souls in the first place, which means that all their converts will go to hell when they die:

Jill Duggar and Derick Dillard are rejected as missionaries by the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) and the International Mission Board (IMB) for lack of qualifications. The couple’s controversial organization, Dillard Family Ministries, has been the subject of criticism almost since its inception. Many presumed that they were supported in their work by their local Baptist church or the IMB. Now it is revealed that those presumptions are false.

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See, the thing is, there are RULES for doing proper soul-winning, otherwise everything goes haywire:

To be a funded missionary of the SBC and IMB requires a bachelor’s degree from an accredited university and between 20 – 30 graduate hours of designated courses, such as: Biblical Studies, Theology, Church History, Missions, Evangelism, Discipleship, Preaching, Interpersonal Relationships, etc.

According to The Inquisitr, Derick has been to college, for accounting, but he hasn't taken any of the pertinent Jesus classes. Jill ain't never been to no college, because she's a vagina-haver and college isn't encouraged, and that would be FINE, because as a vagina-having spouse of a real penis-having missionary, she's only required to take a few classes herself in order to be a good missionary wife. But lazy-ass Jill hasn't done that either! Guess they think because they used to have a big TV show, and (Lord fucking have mercy on all our souls) they're about to have a couple new TLC specials, they get a pass from being good rule-followers.

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But oh look, the Duggar-Dillards seem to be PRETENDING their church, Cross Church (a huge Southern Baptist congregation), is supporting their work:

But sadly, no. According to these dumb kids' Christian porn Tumblr blog, the "commissioning" wasn't actually a "commissioning":

The commissioning consisted of our pastor leading the congregation in praying for our family as we work on the mission field.

That's not an official commissioning. "God is great, God is good, go away Duggars, your family is gross" does not signal church financial support for missionaries.

And what happens to the poor Central American people they convert? See, this is why you have to have regulations. When the missionary what steals your soul and eats it for Jesus has the proper licensing, you don't end up accidentally getting burned in the lake of fire for all eternity over a clerical error. They'll get up there and say, "But, St. Peter or whatever the evangelical version of that would be! I told some of those kids from the TV show with the Cannonball Vagina Mommy that I loved Jesus! Don't condemn me!" And the guy at the gate is like, "Let me look up your information in the computer," and sometimes they can figure out if the missionary made a mistake. Not so with unlicensed Duggars who convert people in the bad way.

And then, this is what happens to everybody:

And it's all the Duggars' fault, BAD DUGGARS.

[The Inquisitr / Jill and Derick's sex blog]


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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