Unemployed Florida Man Throwing Tantrum About Mitch McConnell, We Guess


SOMEBODY is all dressed up with no way to tweet:

Mitch is a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack, and if Republican Senators are going to stay with him, they will not win again.

Cool, the Republican Party is still feasting on the scraps of its own ass and we can go back to whatever we were doing before this, the end.

OK fine, we will give 600 more words to this.

Donald Trump is very upset because Mitch McConnell said all those mean things on the Senate floor about how, despite his "not guilty" vote, Trump is totally guilty, and can totally go to jail for all he cares, who cares, not Mitch, hashtag Turtle Power.

Trump is also mad McConnell then followed that up with an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal saying basically the same thing, but with a lot more two-faced emphasis on how it's all really the Democrats' fault. He still said the shit about how the criminal and civil justice systems are free to have their way with Trump's ass, though.

Further, Trump may be mad that McConnell did an interview this weekend where he said he's focused on winning the Senate back for the GOP in 2022, and doesn't particularly care whether that means supporting candidates Trump likes or candidates Trump does not like.

So Trump, in true whinyass fashion, decided to release a barely literate, whinyass statement through his PAC full of his whinyass complaints about McConnell.

Excerpts, with a few of our editorial comments thrown in in place of ellipses:

The Republican Party can never again be respected or strong with political "leaders" like Sen. Mitch McConnell at its helm. [BLAH BLAH BLAH]

In 2020, I received the most votes of any sitting President in history, almost 75,000,000 [but not as many as the actual winner of the election! BLAH BLAH BLAH]

And in "Mitch's Senate," over the last two election cycles, I single-handedly saved at least 12 Senate seats, more than eight in the 2020 cycle alone [BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH]

Many Republicans in Georgia voted Democrat, or just didn't vote, because of their anguish at their inept Governor, Brian Kemp, Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, and the Republican Party, for not doing its job on Election Integrity during the 2020 Presidential race. [Cool, he's still telling his fascist Big Lie, because he's too small a man to accept that the entire world hates him and just go fuck off somewhere and shut his mouth forever, anyway BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH]

My only regret is that McConnell "begged" for my strong support and endorsement before the great people of Kentucky in the 2020 election, and I gave it to him. He went from one point down to 20 points up, and won. How quickly he forgets. [Mitch McConnell was never not going to win that Senate race, sorry Amy McGrath stans, but it's true, anyway BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, BLEE BLAH, BLEE BLAH, THE END]

Cool statement, President Lost Cause. You sure did tell him! Unfortunately, it seems McConnell prefers presidents who weren't defeated.

So anyway, Trump is mad. According to Politico, the toddler-grade statement above "could have been far worse." Apparently an earlier incarnation of the statement "mocked McConnell for having multiple chins." Indeed, according to Politico's source, "There was also a lot of repetitive stuff and definitely something about him having too many chins but not enough smarts."

So whoop-dee-doo, the breaking news here is that Trump has somehow become even more of a Little Man Syndrome loser ever since he left the White House with his tail between his legs in disgrace.

In summary and in conclusion, the GOP is still beating the shit out of its own face, Trump is causing it, McConnell and the GOP completely deserve every bit of this, uh oh, we have reached the end of giving 600 more words to this, peace out, fuckers.

[statement from President Whinyass]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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