Upscale Restaurants Join the Fight To Keep America Fat

Oh would you look at that, it's already football season. Real Americans sit on their couches, flip between the games and their Tivo'dDancing with the Stars, and stuff corn dogs and corn sugar into their mouths. But not Washingtonians! Here, the masses pile into fancy bars and feast on upscale football-watchin' foods that don’t suffer from populist obesity outrage because they're “featured" and served on a small, rectangular plate. Could maple chicken jus glazed donuts BE the perfect game time snack?

Upscale game food that taste delicious, but will, no matter the price or the shape of the plate, harden your arteries:

  • ChurchKey: At ChurchKey you can enjoy brisket chili on cornbread, Red Apron half smokes with house-made soft pretzels, or the star sandwich, The Luther: fried chicken and applewood smoked bacon piled on a maple chicken jus glazed donut. This precious item comes served with handcut fries. The menu is available Sundays from 12 to 8PM.
  • Evening Star Cafe: Here you can feast on "Cornbrats," which are corn dogs stuffed with brats, meatball grinders and fried mac and cheese. The dishes are available Sundays from 3:30PM until close.
  • Rustico: This beer palace serves buffalo wings tossed in a mixture of sriracha and soy sauce, meatball sliders with fresh mozzarella served on a served on a brioche bun and Greek-style wings that are served with a honey-yogurt sauce. The menu is available Monday to Friday from 5:30PM-close and all day on weekends.
  • Ris: The upscale snacks at Ris include Fig and Prosciutto Pie made with fresh ricotta, arugula and parmesan, Nachos made with black beans, white rice chorizo and ranchero sauce ... and a Lobster Roll, which no Kennebunkport football watching experience can be complete without.

Regular good, old fashioned game food:

  • Momo's Sports Bar: At Momo's you can enjoy regular football fare like mozzarella sticks, nachos, quesadillas and spinach dip. Pitchers of Bud Light are $12, buckets of Yuengling and Miller Lite are $15, and Bloody Marys and Mimosas are $2 on Saturdays and Sundays.
  • 19th: [PDF] This fascinating bar offers a BOTTOMLESS Beer Brunch on Saturdays and Sundays from 11AM-3PM. It's $30 for Bottomless Drafts, Bloody Marys and Mimosas and their menu includes such simple items as buffalo wings, chicken tenders, and loaded potato skins.
  • Penn Quarter Sports Tavern: [PDF] This solid game watching spot serves soft pretzels, baskets of shrimp, that sorry, probably are not sustainable, onion rings and tater tots.

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