'Urinating Like A Race Horse' — This Simple Trick Solves Prostate Problems! Tabs, Fri., July 2, 2021
Tabs gif, as ever, by Yr Martini Ambassador

Seems we always find the goofiest clickbait headlines over at the Gateway Pundit. Can't imagine why.

Here is your hasty morning Tabs, thrown together at the last minute and at great expense after Rebecca asked in the Chatcave, a bit past 7:00 Eastern last night (5:00 "Mountain Time"), "Say, Dok? it occurs to me maybe nobody got assigned tabs for tonight. You got any lying around?" and I did, or at least went and found some! I was also given these explicit instructions:

Do a halfsie for me, lazy as fuck, and explain REBECCA WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN BUT THEN WAS NOT IN or whatever, lay copious blame on me pls.

"You got it!" I said, because that's the kind of order I can follow to the letter!

This seems heckin' big: Attorney General Merrick Garland has suspended all executions in the federal prison system, citing serious concerns about the arbitrariness of how capital punishment is used, racial disparities in death sentences, and "the troubling number of exonerations" in capital cases. Damn well about time. (NBC News)

A new social media app for Trumpworld, called "GETTR," was rolled out yesterday by Trump adviser Jason Miller. The service has already made some news by banning alt-right asshole "Baked Alaska," the poor guy. Also, the Daily Beast reports the app appears to have been funded in part by Chinese billionaire Guo Wengui, the fugitive dude on whose yacht Steve Bannon was frolicking when he was arrested last year.

Also, BoingBoing reports that GETTR's listing in Apple's App Store is full of misspellings, and the app appears to be the product of "one of those 'Design Your App Without Learning Code and We'll Handle The Rest' dealies you can have made for you in China." Tech blogger Rob Beschizza adds that while Trump doesn't appear to have an account on the app, it did at least recommend that Beschizza follow Hitler.

Earlier this week, the tiny Canadian town of Lytton, British Columbia, set new all-time high temperature records for Canada three days in a row, including an ungodly high of 121.3 degrees F (49.6 degrees C). Then on Wednesday, wildfires forced the roughly 1000 residents of the town to evacuate, and much of the town burned to the ground in minutes. There are still people unaccounted for. The BBC reports that the heat wave in western Canada has caused 486 deaths in BC alone over the last five days.

The Washington Post reports that, with global warming making forests drier and weather hotter, the annual wildfire season has ceased to be a "season" at all, and the nation is facing a shortage of wildland firefighters. President Biden has announced he will issue bonuses to increase firefighters' wages, and will train members of the National Guard to help fight fires. The bipartisan infrastructure bill also includes funding for hiring, retention, and pay raises for federal firefighters. (Washington Post)

David Roberts lays it out pretty simply: There's no longer any such thing as a "moderate" position on the climate crisis. Doing nothing, or doing very little? THOSE are now extreme positions, in terms of what they'll mean for life on the planet. (Dr. Volts)

After months of fuckery resulting from the rightwing backlash to the 1619 Project, the Board of Trustees for the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill voted Wednesday to grant tenure to Nikole Hannah-Jones. Hannah-Jones was hired earlier this year by the Hussman School of Journalism for a prestigious Knight Chair in Race and Investigative Journalism. She passed the tenure review with the full support of the university and the J school, but the Trustees refused to take action on her tenure application for political reasons, because how dare she suggest slavery and its legacy of systemic racism are a lens through which all American history be viewed? So now that's finally settled, to the benefit of the students Hannah-Jones will be working with. (NPR)

Also, speaking of academe, I ordered this mug for my ex, who teaches at Boise State.

Nancy Pelosi has named eight members to the House Select Committee to investigate the January 6 attack on the Capitol. As expected, the committee will be chaired by Homeland Security Committee chair Bennie Thompson (D-Mississippi). And Pelosi followed through on her promise to name a Republican as one of her eight picks, choosing Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wyoming), one of just two Republicans to vote to authorize the committee. The committee is supposed to have five more Republican members, chosen in consultation with Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, who may simply choose to be a pissy little fucker and not name anyone, because that's where America is now. (CBS News)

There's a blog out there called "Blackboards in Porn," dedicated to scrutinizing blackboard props in hot teacher porn videos. Is the information accurate? Are the math formulas legit? Sadly, it appears not to have been updated in years. (Dangerous Minds)

You guys ready for cat pics? Here are cat pics!

Thornton has a spot, yes he does. We don't need to use the blue towel, really.

Since the photo below was taken a few weeks ago, I've actually unpacked the towels, so such luxurious stretching out is no longer an option.

He also likes the recliners, though he tends to sleep weird. Don't try to tell him what's comfortable. He knows what's comfortable.

And there you go! Halfassed tabs, because Rebecca didn't wanna.

Be good to each other, you filthy fuckaducks!

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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