U.S. To Bomb Kurdistan In Order To Save It

Time to duck and cover, ladies

Americans have learned a lot since invading Iraq. We've learned that Sunnis and Shiites are different kinds of Iraqis, and that there are different kinds of Sunnis and different kinds of Shiites, and that they all hate each other, and us, and express that hate with great, explosive force. But if there's one group we've been able to count on, it's the Kurds. "Don't mind us!" the Kurds say. "We love you guys! We'll just chill up here in the one part of the country where the streets aren't routinely littered with smoldering body parts, loving American and doing our thing and [lowering their voice and talking rapidly] every once in a while launching a cross-border raid against Turkey!" But, now, sadly, it's time for the Kurds to get bombed, too.

It's not John Rambo behind this sudden change in plan. No, it's the Turks, chomping at the bit due to cross-border raids from a Kurdish guerilla group. The Turkish legislature has authorized an invasion at any time; we've been trying to talk them out of it, since a Turkish invasion of northern Iraq is high on the list of Ways That, Against All Odds, Iraq Could Become Even More Of A Nightmarish Clusterfuck. Now it looks like the only way to do so is to do the job ourselves. Naturally, we'll be using only our smartest precision cruise missiles, targeting isolated militant camps, working in close cooperation with the Iraqi and Kurdish regional governments, etc., etc. Which obviously means that within weeks the whole thing will blow up into a full-on battle royale featuring four distinct rival Kurdish factions, U.S. ground troops, the Turks invading anyway, and massive bombs dropped on urban centers. Then in 92 years Congress will pass a resolution condemning Turkey for the resulting Kurdicide!

Bush offers to bomb Kurds [Herald Sun]


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