Vagendas, Manocides And Anthony Weiner. Your Weekly Top Ten!
Wonkette Baby does not want to hear about any of the things in that headline.
Hola Wonkers and good morning, IT IS A LONG WEEKEND, ARE YOU EVEN IN TOWN TO READ THIS? Or are you at the lake? You should be at the lake or whatever. But if you are here, it is time for the Top Ten Stories of the week, AKA your reading list for whatever you have missed.
Here, while you decide, it is the traditional picture of Wonk Baby as a scary lion:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.
Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!
1. Seriously, what even the fuck is wrong with Anthony Weiner?
2. "Morning Joe" is totally different when Joe Scarborough isn't around to mansplain the world to Mika!
3. Public Policy Polling literally CANNOT STOP LOL-ING at how dumb Donald Trump supporters are.
4. Hillary Clinton threatened to murder Bernie Sanders, according to a totally legit website that is definitely not Russian.
5. Coward Donald Trump had ONE JOB on his dumbass Mexico trip, and that was to tell Mexico President he's paying for Trump's beautiful border wall. And he was too much of a pussy to do it.
6. Donald Trump's campaign manager Kellyanne Conway went on the Rachel Maddow teevee program. It did not go so well for Kellyanne.
7. Have you learned about Hillary's VAGENDA OF MANOCIDE yet? It's totally real, and you should know about it!
8. Last week's Deleted Comments was where we got SCHOOLED on how Hillary opening a jar of pickles is not actually a medical exam. Our mistake!
9. Rush Limbaugh TRIED to tell you about Obama's secret army of lesbian farmers, but you LAUGHED AT HIM, because you are mean!
10. And finally, Big Gay Milo over at Big Gay Breitbart is trying to make ladies happier, by uninventing their washing machines.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories. They are very good stories!
OK, Wonkers, you have one task left, and it is an important one. You need to sign up for clean wind and/or solar from Arcadia Power. It takes three minutes and THERE IS A FREE VERSION. Why is it free? We don't know, maybe they want to bogart the market or something. If you pay the power bill at your house or apartment, you can use Arcadia Power, no matter which terrible PG&E services your hood. The EPA says it works, you will help stop climate change, and your Wonkette gets a small cut! Let's help you help us help the earth! (And us.)
Oh, and sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Sorry, we guess that was a second "task."
You are so well-behaved, the way you do the things we tell you to do. See you Tuesday and don't do anything we wouldn't do this weekend, or whatever it is you gotta say to the Kids These Days!
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.