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Vermont Proposes Official Latin Motto, Wingnuts Tell Vermont To Go Back To Mexico

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Here's a sweet little story of Democracy in Action. A bright eighth grader writes to her state legislator with an idea for a law: Vermont doesn't have an official Latin motto, so why not adopt one? And for that matter, make it a reference to history? Neato!


So state Sen. Joe Benning -- a Republican who was actually trying to do a good thing, which he has probably learned to never try again -- introduced a bill to adopt the motto “Stella quarta decima fulgeat.” -- May the fourteenth star shine bright." Because Vermont was the 14th state, see? Benning noted that when Vermont briefly minted its own currency, it was engraved with "Stella Quarta Deccima," so the phrase had real historical cachet.

And then Burlington TV station WCAX put the story on its Facebook page with the headline, "Should Vermont have an official Latin motto?" and all Stupid broke loose when morons thought that Vermont was knuckling under to a bunch of goddamned illegal immigrants.

Charles Topher at "If you Only News" collected some of the worst of the over 600 comments from some of the geniuses worried about protecting 'Merca from the invading Latin hordes:

Oh yes, there's more:

And a bit more:

We are happy to report that Dan Zucker up there is actually parodying all the derp, as we'll see in a moment.

Finally, there was the genius who wrote, apparently without a trace of irony, "Hell No! This is America, not Latin America. When in Rome do as the Romans do!"

Happily, since the news first broke, the literate smartasses have flooded into the WCAX Facebook comments, which now feature a few better replies:

  • I heard Obama even has our military YES OUR MILITARY!! Speaking latin. I went by a group of marines yelling Semper Fidelis. Can you believe it?

Of course, several people replied to this by excoriating the writer for criticizing the sacred Marine motto.

  • We don't need any of them Romans taking our jobs!!!

Dan Zucker popped up again to explain in pure Palinese:

romans is italians. they is not the probelms. we keep boardars closed to chinese who take jobs from russians which is why they speak latin to virus imunization autism shot in the kidney like black lungh subura honey tuna.

So there. A few more:

  • I've got no problem with that. I'm more concerned that you stop teaching the Hindu-Arabic number system in schools. I for one am sick of all the pandering to foreigners in this country. We should be using American numbers.
  • This is America, not the ancient Roman empire. What's next, Justinian law? If they don't want to learn modern English, they should go back to the colosseum where they belong!
  • What's Latin for, "A state full of crotchety old farts, half of whom are almost too stupid to breathe"?
  • What have the Romans ever done for us!?

We're betting that, like Olivia McConnell, the kid whose proposal for South Carolina to adopt a state fossil almost crashed and burned when creationists decided the declaration should insist that the fossil was no more than 6000 years old, the anonymous 8th grade Latin student in Vermont has learned an important lesson about Democracy in America: It is conducted by morons.

[WCAX / WCAX on Facebook / If You Only News]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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