Stray boys and cats arealready camping outside of Target in hopes of procuring a SARAH PALIN NAUGHTY ALASKAN MAID HALLOWEEN COSTUME (one size fits all). Complete with a moose pelt mini skirt, an apron/Twitter feed, a GOP debit card and a boner-inducing book deal, industry analysts predict the nipple-hardening Alaskan get-up will be an easier sell than IRAQI WMDS! ...

Culinary Jeebus WOLFGANG PUCK is known for his illustrious cuisine, but did you also know that his Asian-fusion restaurant The Source practically won the Nobel Peace Prize? Not to be curt, but it's simply an Obamination that the Norwegian Nobel Committee overlooked RAEKWON THE CHEF, who serves up the hottest dishes in all of Shaolin ...

BEGUILING SMALL TALK: Chairman of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse ADMIRAL MIKE MULLEN wished the UNITED STATES NAVY a very happy 234th birthday using special sailor talk: "234 years as a force for good. Happy Bday Shipmates! Thx 2 all U.S. Navy Sailors, except 4 the faggots." ... REP. DAVID WU (D-OR) drives an enormous automobile that could easily fit the entire state of Oregon, JOHN BOEHNER'S inflatable tanning salon, PAUL BUNYAN and all his many pancakes and still have plenty of room for baby strollers and bottles of water and soccer gear or whatever ...

Hitler's prom date NANCY PELOSI is encouraging Congressional offices to place unwanted INTERNS and other refuse in a compost, instead of the usual dumpster behind the Library of Congress. Nancy thinks Green.

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