Want A Trump Pardon? Lie And Tell Him He'll Still Be President January 21.

Want A Trump Pardon? Lie And Tell Him He'll Still Be President January 21.

Donald Trump may be holed up and getting more delusional by the minute about how he really won the election, and how he's going to pull a rabbit out of a hat and somehow still be declared president-for-life, like his idol in Russia. As CNN reported:

In his moments of deepest denial, Trump has told some advisers that he will refuse to leave the White House on Inauguration Day, only to be walked down from that ledge. The possibility has alarmed some aides, but few believe Trump will actually follow through.

Yeah, we really don't think anybody in the Trump White House really understands how much normal Americans would LOVE for them to let this delusional disease fester in Trump's brain until the very last minute, so we can watch the Secret Service lower a crane and physically toss him into the Potomac, or directly into the loving arms of New York Attorney General Letitia James, if she's ready to catch him. It could be like the halftime show for Joe Biden's inauguration.

Anyway, that CNN article, though it includes nuggets like that, is primarily focused on how despite Trump's imaginary fantasy life where he's a winner, he's going warp speed making lists of people to pardon, and it's getting real specific. CNN reports that "hundreds of his allies — including some of his closest business associates and many high-profile criminals" are barking up his pantleg, trying to get him to notice them and give them pardons. Apparently it's the only part of his losing and leaving he's willing to talk about, the part where he gets to use his kingly powers while they last to keep people out of prison who might have criminal dirt on him.

(It won't be out the goodness of his heart, and we can assume every pardon he hands out will be corrupt. Obviously it's not going through the normal Justice Department pardon filtering system. Will there be bribes? Are there already bribes? How could you suggest such a thing!)

"It's turned crazy," one person familiar with the efforts said. "There's a lot of activity." [...]

"Everyone assumed there's no formal process and they should reach out to the administration directly," the person said. "Everyone hopes they have a friend of a friend of a friend of a cousin who they hope will get them to read their email."

Neat. They're going to Jared, they're going to Mark Meadows, they're going to White House counsel Pat Cipollone, and they're going to Donald himself. And he's reportedly listening to anybody who hasn't personally stopped licking his ass over the last four years, especially those who are still letting him think he's still going to be president come Jan. 21. Likewise, he is not listening to any of those who are trying to gently nail reality into his thick skull.

A couple weeks back, it was reported that Trump was maybe thinking of going ahead and pardoning all his kids for whatever crimes they might have committed for him and/or for themselves while serving their scumbag daddy's whims. Also Rudy Giuliani, for some reason or another, can't imagine why. He's already knocked Michael Flynn off the list. And obviously he wants to figure out if he can pardon himself, especially since it sounds like Mike Pence is planning on getting the fuck out of town as soon as he's done confirming Joe Biden's victory on Jan. 6, and therefore might not be around in case Trump wants to resign real fast so Pence can pardon him.

CNN attempts a headcount:

In all, the President is considering pardons for more than two dozen people in his orbit whom he believes were targeted — or could be targeted in the future — for political ends.

Two dozen!

Anybody in particular?

[One] name among the many under consideration for clemency: Allen Weisselberg, the chief financial officer of the Trump Organization, who has come under scrutiny by investigators for his role in hush money payments.

Oh, THAT guy. We remember THAT guy. Did he do some crimes? Perhaps Trump should list them out, while also remembering that pardon recipients give up their Fifth Amendment rights protecting them from self-incrimination, and since Trump pardoning himself probably won't fly ...

Oh well, Donald Trump. Try it. What do you have to lose? You know, besides your freedom to move about freely outside federal prisons.

CNN reports that the rest of Trump's presidential activities lately, besides thinking about who might know shit about his crimes and might need to be buttered up with a pardon, are focused on his dead-end crusade to steal the election. Also he is wondering if maybe he himself can appoint special counsels to investigate HUNTER BIDEN and FRAUDS and whatever else, because that would allow him to remain president. (It would not.)

The rest of Trump's time appears to be spent hiding in his bedroom and tweeting from the toilet. So in that way, nothing has changed.

We're just going to end every post now by saying how many days it is until the inauguration. (It is 34.) Maybe once we get closer, we'll start counting it in hours.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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