Washed-Up Has-Been Newt Gingrich Tired Of Famous-For-Nothing Hillary Clinton Getting So Much Attention
Normally, we rely on our sister site, HappyNiceTimePeople.com, to cover people who are famous for being famous. But every now and then, some no-talent celebrity decides to wade into politics, despite a complete lack of resume and credentials, and we are forced to mock them back to the realm of do-nothingness. Giant-headed moon enthusiast Newt Gingrich helpfully brought the latest sad sack wanna-be politician to our attention, per Raw Story:
“First Lady, Senator, Secretary Clinton is very famous for being famous,” Gingrich opined. “And as long as she can continue to be famous, she will be famous.”
Seriously, what has Hillary accomplished? No famous parents and not even one sex tape! Preach on, Newt. Preach on.
Hillary has done nothing of note at all, other than marry a President. Not. One. Thing. Let’s review those nothings.
- She got her JD from some shitty northeastern wanna-be-Harvard (Yale), and then went on to be the first female partner of some Arkansas law firm. BORING.
- After being First Lady of both Arkansas and the United States, she totally failed at life, except that she was elected twice by the people of New York to be their Senator, which is totally no big deal. It is WAY harder to win one of the 435 House seats than it is to win one of 100 Senate seats, so that point goes to Gingrich.
- Like Newt, she ran for President; and unlike Newt, got WAY more delegates.
- Despite losing to some Kenyan Socialist, Hillary continued to be famous for nothing by being the Secretary of State and kicking ass for women and girls around the world. But seriously, any celebrity no-nothing can get a Cabinet position; just ask Commerce Secretary Kim Kardashian or Defense Secretary Optimus J. Prime.
Besides, celebrity Hillary also totally failed at being Secretary of State because after she was done Secretarying, Vladdy Putin invaded another country.
“The fact is, she reset the relationship with Russia so well that you currently have the occupation of Crimea, and the potential occupation of Ukraine,” the former House Speaker insisted.
She is totally to blame for that. Also Benghazi. And the JFK assignation. And Family Guy getting cancelled the first time. She is definitely the reason that that bitch Megan Johnson rejected you for prom and you were stuck going with Heather Horseface.
Moral of the story is that famous-for-being-famous people suck and should never be President.
Follow DDM on Twitter (@Wonksplainer) where he is not famous for anything.