Washington Journalists Forced To Answer Terrible Wonkette Question, For Comedy

News

Did you attend thefunny comedy event on Friday at the National Press Club, at which many Washington news media elitists performed "stand-up comedy," for charity? As part of this embarrassing spectacle, the participating DC journalists were forced to answer a question submitted by your Wonkette. And the answers were fairly entertaining, except for the reply from the middle-aged white fellow who was supposed to be in prison with Judith Miller.


The event was Commedia dell Media, a benefit for Reporters Without Borders. It was, we imagine, a great success! Here's what we asked:

Q: It has been a very historic year so far, as far as history, and the breaking of barriers. We'd like to know how you personally solved racism.

"I persuaded my family that in the future all of our pets will be pandas. (Black, white and Asian!)" -- Mark Hosenball, Newsweek

"I put superglue on a sandwich and gave it to Al Sharpton." -- David Corn, Mother Jones

"I now eat both sides of a black-and-white cookie instead of just the white part." -- Scott Lanman, Bloomberg

"I gently reminded the world -- or the walls in my home office -- that there are other categories besides color by which to class people, such as whether one is Danish, one's propensity to live between parallel universes, and the fact that some of us would prefer to inhabit a world that didn't discriminate against the square root of minus one." -- Delphine Schrank, Washington Post

"I didn't do shit." -- Shaun Waterman, UPI

"You know those black-bottom cupcakes they used to sell at Starbucks? Well, who do you think got rid of them? I launched the lobbying group for black-and-white-bottom cupcakes or nothing at all." -- Anna Mulrine, US News & World Report

"I gave birth to a multi-racial baby who's so cute looking at him makes everyone love everyone else in the world." -- Jamila Bey, radio producer

"I decided to go beyond the usual efforts to ban names like the Redskins and Indians. Instead I focused on our fixation on the White majority. So now the Chicago White Sox, are simply the Chicago Sox. The White House is the House. The white pages is now the pages .... Unfortunately that has caused confusion in Congress. Lawmakers have gobbled up all the phone books, because when they aren't passing legislation, they are busy picking up pages." -- Mike Walter, WUSA

"I reveled in the diversity of writers at Wonkette." -- Matt Cooper, ex-TIME reporter/Karl Rove lackey

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc