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Washington Post Is Now Chuck Lane's Show

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Has the hilariouslyfactless trope-goblin Chuck Lane, Washington Post editorial board member and off-and-on columnist, not yet been cemented as a Wonkette Character yet? Guy's been on a tear! Here's the deal: Chuck Lane is a Very Serious Centrist who sneers at the far-left legislative agenda of Barack Obama and is very concerned about the deficits and lack of tax cuts. Which is a shame, because he seemed such a moral, upstanding Journalist in the Very Serious movie about The New Republic. Turns out Peter Saarsgard is just a great actor of fictional roles of real people in movies, people who now write unintended comedy for the Washington Post. Small world! But on with the business of mocking something he wrote.


Chuck Lane, in his best impression of the 17-year-old who just finished his Atlas Shrugged Cliff's Notes while simultaneously being gay for Evan Bayh:

Millions of Americans long to tell their bosses “take this job and shove it.” Hardly any have the power and money to do so, especially in these recessionary times. Sen. Evan Bayh (D) of Indiana, however, is the exception. His stunning retirement from the Senate is essentially a loud and emphatic “screw you” to President Obama and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. For months now, Bayh has been screaming at the top of his voice that the party needs to reorient toward a more popular, centrist agenda -- one that emphasizes jobs and fiscal responsibility over health care and cap and trade. Neither the White House nor the Senate leadership has given him the response he wanted. Their bungling of what should have been a routine bipartisan jobs bill last week seems to have been the last straw.

Ah, got it: Frank Luntz must have given him one of his Mad-Libs templates and instructed him to fill it in with "economy-sounding words." It's a more fleshed-out money version of the foundational "[n***** n***** n***** n***** n***** n*****] THE LAST STRAW, DEMOCRATS!" rubric, which happens to be the only successful rubric in the last 50 years of American history.

Quitting the Senate was a no-lose move for the presidentially ambitious Bayh, since he can now crawl away from the political wreckage for a couple of years, plausibly alleging that he tried to steer the party in a different direction -- and then be perfectly positioned to mount a centrist primary challenge to Obama in 2012, depending on circumstances.

At what point did Chuck Lane decide to argue the polar opposite of every time-tested political truth in in modern history, not to mention other basic facts about what Evan Bayh did and did not do? He actually uses the term "crawl away" to describe an action he considers appealing to voters.

"Depending on circumstances," he writes.

"[FART FART FAT FART FART FART BLATHER WORDS DONKEY 'SPLOSION NO SPLAT FAP SSSSS GUMMY BEAR POTATO], depending on circumstances," such as it is.

[Washington Post]

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Video screenshot, CBS 4 Miami

The mass murders at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Connecticut, and at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, are still killing people. Two survivors of Parkland killed themselves in the past week, and this morning, the body of the father of one of the Sandy Hook children was found in Newtown. And something like 35,800 guns will be sold today, if 2019 stats are comparable to 2018 sales figures. But cheer up -- without Barack Obama scaring everyone with his promise to take all the guns, that's down 16 percent from the highest gun sales in history in 2016. Then again, despite the lower gun sales, there were nearly 40,000 deaths caused with firearms in 2018. It was the third record year in a row. We're Number One.

The news has been just horrifying. On March 17, Sydney Aiello, 19, who'd been on campus at Stoneman Douglas the day of the 2018 massacre, killed herself. She'd been a close friend of one of the girls who died in the shooting, and had been diagnosed with PTSD, according to her mother. She had started college but found it hard to just to sit in classrooms because of her fears that a gunman might burst in. Then, this weekend, another Stoneman Douglas student, a male sophomore, as yet unidentified, killed himself -- like Ms. Aiello, with a gun.

Today, police in Newtown found the body of Jeremy Richman, a neuropharmacologist and the father of Avielle Richman, who was only 6 years old when she was one of the 20 children and six adults murdered at Sandy Hook in 2012. Richman and his wife, Jennifer Hensel, had founded a nonprofit to research the neurological problems that might lead to violent behavior. The foundation had an office in the complex where Richman's body was found. The couple were also among the Sandy Hook parents suing Alex Jones for spreading the false conspiracy theory that the Sandy Hook massacre was faked as part of a plot to take all the precious guns away.

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