Wednesday, we told you about Ned Staebler, and what he and 300 of his fellow Detroiters did when the two Republicans on the Wayne County Board of Canvassers decided they had simply hallucinated too much voter fraud (or maybe more accurately Black people voting) to certify the results of the presidential election in Detroit. They got on Zoom and they spent three solid hours calling those fuckers, Monica Palmer and William Hartmann, absolute racist garbage, just read them for filth. After that was over, the two Republicans caved, even though Monica Palmer probably thought she was disobeying Q in doing so. (She appears to be into the perverted QAnon lifestyle.)

Palmer and Hartmann said they had gotten assurances there would be an audit, so fine. Election certified! It was yet one more stupid dumbfuck coup attempt for Dear Loser, we mean Leader, and it was averted.

Oh but now, Monica Palmer RESCINDS. That's right, you heard her correctly, she RESCINDS. And William Hartmann, he also too RESCINDS. Because that is how all of this works. Totally.


In affidavits signed Wednesday evening, the two GOP members of the four-member Wayne County Board of Canvassers allege they were improperly pressured into certifying the election and accused Democrats of reneging on a promise to audit votes in Detroit.

"I rescind my prior vote," Monica Palmer, the board's chairwoman, wrote in an affidavit reviewed by The Washington Post. "I fully believe the Wayne County vote should not be certified."

NARRATOR: The certification has already been sent to the secretary of state of Michigan.

What happened is that when these dipshits agreed to vote to certify, they put forth a resolution calling for a full audit of Wayne County's results — or we guess just the Black parts of Wayne County, because Monica Palmer didn't seem real concerned about the white parts. But now Monica Palmer says she feels "misled," because Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson said later that said resolution was not "binding." (She did say that, we heard her say it on MSNBC.)

Jonathan Kinloch, the Democratic vice chair of the board, says fuck off, Monica 'n' Bill knew that shit was not binding. They hadn't even officially requested the audit yet. And it sounds like Kinloch was willing to work with Palmer on it!

But now SHE RESCINDS! (Those phone calls from Trump to Palmer and Hartmann maybe helped.)

Palmer also did not like getting yelled at by constituents who said she was racist:

"Last night was heartbreaking," Palmer told The Post. "I sat in that chair for two hours listening to people attack me" as a racist who was attempting to disenfranchise Detroit residents.

Things like that happen when you do things like that.

USA Today reporter Donovan Slack posted some of Palmer's affidavit on Twitter, should you like to read that very serious official document. You should know, though, that Palmer has been on the receiving end of very bad threats since her vote, specifically from the Antifa chapter in Grosse Pointe:

Hopefully you get why "Antifa from Grosse Pointe" is hilarious. It is probably the same kind of Antifa chapter they have in the Buckhead neighborhood of Atlanta, Ladue in St. Louis, and most terrifying of all, Beverly Hills Antifa, which has its own zip code. They are known for spraying pumpkin-spice-flavored weapons at people, in the name of Antifa.

One person on Twitter wants to know whether it's the Grosse Pointe Park Antifa or the Grosse Pointe Farms Antifa, which we assume are rival gangs. (It was Grosse Pointe Shores, obviously.)

Palmer also told the Washington Post she's fully aware that none of the discrepancies she is so worried about in Black communities but not white communities would have the effect of actually changing who won Michigan.

But SHE RESCINDS!

In related stupid news, stop the presses:

Yeah we bet, with Rudy Giuliani in charge, what can go wrong.

Of course, we need to know whether that would be the real RNC, or RNC Fine Home Furnishings And Fishing Rods, off the highway next to the bathhouse and the tire place?

We are just curious.

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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