We Are Sick, Depressed & Near Death, But Still Better Than the U.S. Senate

We Are Sick, Depressed & Near Death, But Still Better Than the U.S. Senate
  • The results of many tragic health studies were dumped on America last night, and the prognosis is Awful. You already knew 67% of us were overweight or obese, but did you know nearly half the adults in this country suffer from either high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or diabetes?

    Meanwhile, a 20-year study of British adults -- the closest thing to Americans in terms of slovenly losers shoveling "prepared meals" down their throats while watching nine hours of "telly" every night -- has found that the U.K./U.S. "special relationship" of smoking, binge drinking, never getting off their lard asses and never eating fruits or vegetables all but guarantees an early death as reward for a miserable life. Depressed? We can tell, by all the chocolate wrappers collected around your filthy, sodden bedding. Those suffering major depression eat twice as many chocolate bars as the rest of you slobs. [Reuters/Medscape Today/CNN/ABC News/LA Times]

  • Two-thirds of Americans support Wall Street reform and solid majorities support the major components of the Senate bill, so of course the Republicans blocked further mention of the bill with their 41-vote supermajority. Ben Nelson, the current Joe Lieberman of the Democratic Party, bravely joined the Republican obstruction, but heroic liberals Scott Brown and Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins and Chuck Grassley are all expected to come around maybe today or tomorrow, who knows. [Washington Post]
  • Some Iranian cleric said women who dress immodestly are the cause of earthquakes, so a bunch of "Facebook feminists" went to work or school yesterday with their boobs hanging out, immediately causing a terrible 6.5-magnitude earthquake in Taiwan. [Vanity Fair]

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