The Ludlow Massacre -- now THAT's worth a holiday

For your Labor Day amusement, please join us in a moment of silent thanks that Allen West is no longer in Congress. And enjoy this Wonkette Classic (shh, it's just a rerun) from 2014. -- Dok Zoom

Great American Allen West has just about HAD IT with the shallowness of American three-day-weekend holidays, especially Labor Day, which he pretends to give a good goddamn about in a column published Monday. You see, Mr. West, who used to work for the United States Army until he disgraced himself with some war crimes, and then "worked" in Congress accusing other people of being communists, and now "works" on the wingnut welfare circuit, has some thoughts about the value of hard work and what it is that we celebrate on Labor Day:

But today I ask you, what does Labor Day mean in America now?

Do we truly still celebrate American workers or just dismiss their efforts as a means to supply tax revenue to government for the growth of the welfare nanny-state? Or are the fruits of the labor from hard working Americans now used only to fill the coffers of union bureaucracy to promote its cronyism and maintaining power?

Or do we simply present one logical fallacy after another, and has Allen West stopped beating his wife yet?

You see, friends, Allen West wants you to know that Barack Obama hates the average worker, especially when the average worker is a CEO:

At a time when the president of the United States exposes his disdain for the American worker and entrepreneur with statements such as “you didn’t build that” and pushes for work permits for illegal immigrants — can you really say on Labor Day we’re celebrating the American worker? Or are we now celebrating a movement that just exploits the American worker?

The evidence is clear, the wages of middle income Americans are down, depressed under this progressive socialist Obama administration. The wealth gap has exploded over the past five years as Wall Street has boomed, but Main Street has fizzled.

Yes, shame on Barack Obama and his time machine for going back to the '80s and slanting the tax code for the past 30 years in favor of the investor class. That monster. If only we could do away with unions altogether, surely the jerb creators would make everyone rich by honoring their labor. Also, let's blame the lazy takers for their share of the problem:

And with all that, hard working Americans find themselves working harder and more, just so they can fuel the ever-expanding dependency society that has become America. More people on welfare, food stamps (EBT cards), and various other means by which their humble wealth is transferred -- again for political power and gain.

God, it's just sickening -- if only the working poor had the good sense to resent themselves for having such low wages and hours that they have to rely on food stamps and Medicaid. Why didn't they have the good sense to borrow $20,000 from their parents to set up a small business (but what's the point, since you'll just be taxed into oblivion?). It's enough to make you think that getting that third minimum wage job isn't ever going to make you rich.

West almost accidentally writes a true thing before immediately blaming the wrong target in his very next sentence:

So as we “celebrate” Labor Day, perhaps we should consider the tax, regulatory, and monetary policies that are being implemented which are antithetical to the success of the American worker. Maybe the struggling American worker should consider those “labor Bosses” who are the real fat cats living high on the hog and who will probably be eating quite well today.

Oh, so very close there, Allen! That would really be a compelling scapegoat if only "labor Bosses" had been writing the tax code, lobbying for corporate tax loopholes, undercutting worker protections, fighting minimum wage increases, avoiding providing benefits through part-time and temp jobs, and opposing every single proposal to improve the lot of working Americans since the Reagan administration.

If Allen West were honest, he'd propose that we change the name of the holiday to Entrepreneurs Day, so we could show our gratitude to job creators by working a day without pay, and perhaps send their employers a nice card beseeching them not to move the company to a third-world country.

Actually, that idea's already been snagged: Last year, NRO's Kevin Williamson declared Labor Day a "quasi-Canadian, crypto-Communist holiday" and insisted that America would be far better off without it. He didn't quite get as far as proposing a "Work Harder, Mules!" Day, but not to worry -- a wingnut "think tank," the "Freedom Foundation," mandated that all its employees get their lazy asses to work on Monday. That'll show the unions!

[Allen West via tip from Wonkette Operative Donovan_digital / Seattle Times / NRO]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He celebrated Labor Day by taking a nap and playing Katamari Damacy, just as Grover Cleveland envisioned.