We Found The Kraken, This Entire Blog Post Is The Kraken

Gather 'round, class, for it is time to talk about martial law, the people who want Donald Trump to declare it, and the Kraken, which is a real thing, because it is this blog post, this blog post is the Kraken.

There's no good place to dive into this pool of molten brain smegma and treason, so ... here goes!

There is this stupid shitbag idiot named Thomas McInerney. He's a retired three-star Air Force lieutenant general, one of those types like Michael Flynn who we guess had an honorable career at some point, but then turned into a shitbag idiot sometime thereafter. So obviously McInerney was a longtime Fox News contributor, for 16 years.

Back in 2018, McInerney told the Fox Business network that torture is awesome, because it "worked" on John McCain, whom he called "Songbird John." That's what got him finally fired from Fox. He once said war with North Korea would be fine, because most of the people who died would be North Korean. He really really really really really hates Muslims. As recently as 2013, he still, like a dumb shitbag, was going on Fox saying that Iraq DID TOO have WMDs.

He is maaaaaaaaybe literally senile? We are not sure.

Are you ready for the conspiracy theory he appears to have made up about the 2020 election, which is now spreading like unchecked coronavirus among the chickenfuckers who make up the MAGA QAnon internet?

Strap in, kids, because FROM HENCE KRAKEN COMETH.

As the Military Timesattempts to explain without its entire goddamned head exploding, McInerney believes, and says out loud without being committed to an adult daycare (yet), that ...

FIVE DEAD AMERICANS, ALEX — special ops guys — perished in Germany recently, five American troops, because they were trying to seize an "election server" from a CIA facility in Frankfurt, Germany, a "server" that proves the election was stolen from Donald Trump, and so on and so forth, TRUST THE PLAN WWG1WGA!111!!1!1!1gHAZI1`11!1!

Or, as Military Times puts it:

The [...] claim is that Army Special Forces soldiers were killed in Frankfurt, Germany, in a firefight with the CIA guarding a secret CIA server farm that allegedly held evidence of Dominion's so-called election theft.


This updated version of a weeks-old theory originally amplified by U.S. Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Texas, came from an interview with McInerney, who offered no evidence to support his claim.


McInerney made these claims in an interview with Brannon Howse of Worldview Radio & WVW-TV, a conspiracy-tinged website with stories like "Voter Fraud, Treason, Psychological Gaslighting Enemies Inside the Wire" and "The Existential Threat to Our National Security; Is the CIA Using Technology to Enslave and Control The American People?" and "The Democrat's Plan For Secession if They Lose the 2020 Presidential Election and Their Partnership with China to Defeat America From Within."

In his interview with Howse (which was preceded by an exclusive first interview with retired Army Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn since his pardoning by Trump)

Of course it was. Put a pin in that, because we're going to talk about Flynn some more in a minute.

McInerney said that Trump and attorney Sidney Powell have "got the 305th Military Intelligence Battalion working with them, because in all of this, we have not seen any footprints of the DOJ or the FBI, nor the CIA on the friendly side."

Howse then raised the issue of U.S. Special Forces troops seizing the server farm in Germany.

"In addition, the U.S. special forces command seized a server farm in Frankfurt, Germany, because they were sending this data from those six states through the internet to Spain and then into Frankfurt, Germany," McInerney told Howse. "Special operation forces seized those, that facility, so they have those servers and they know all this data they are providing."

OK, normal person, if you say so!

McInerney went on to say that he didn't want to get his facts wrong (heaven forfend!) but he is just pretty sure troops died in that raid, because "server farm" was actually a secret CIA facility. (In Louie Gohmert's earlier braindead version, the facility was merely the Frankfurt location for a Spanish election software company.)

To be clear: Nobody died. There was no raid for people to die in. The Army confirmed this to Military Times, and also to Military Dot Com. United States Army Special Operations Command (USASOC) confirmed this. Again, nobody died. Because there was no raid.

Also, as the Military Times explains, the 305th Military Intelligence Battalion is in Fort Huachuca, Arizona, which is not Frankfurt, Germany. It is a training group for military intelligence. It doesn't do ground ops in Germany or anywhere else. "No unit in the battalion's lineage has gone overseas for combat operations — much less to surveil or fight the CIA — since World War II," says Military Times.

As Military Times notes, fucking idiots on the internet (and we are guessing some Russian bots posing as fucking idiots) are now spreading new crap, because this is how conspiracy theories metastasize, about how a helicopter crash in Sinai that indeed killed five troops was AKSHULLY the five dead Americans who died in Germany trying to save "election server."

And from there it's metastasized further. In some tellings of the legendary tale of the fantastical FIVE DEAD AMERICANS raid of the secret CIA facility in Germany protecting the secrets of how the Deep State stoled the election from Trump, CIA Director Gina Haspel was wounded in the attack, because of how she was in Germany in the secret CIA facility sheltering the server tightly in her Gitmo-bound bosoms.

Fucking hell.

All of this is batshit, obviously, but you need to understand there are millions of people who view that tweet above, with its poor English and its emojis, as a more credible news source than the Washington Post. Perhaps there is one of them in your family.

Military Times asked McInerney to back up his batshit, and here is how he responded:

"President Trump won in a landslide and the Dems left so many footprints that this TREASON must be stopped!!!," he told Military Times. "This will be the last free election we have and I predicted it on 2 Nov on the Steve Bannon Show!"

Wow, OK. Also:

When Military Times asked McInerney to provide evidence to support his claims, he forwarded a lengthy conspiracy newsletter that, among other things, described Rudy Giuliani's recent conduct as "shocking and professional" and discussed whether Trump should declare martial law to overturn the election results.

Now, we know what you are thinking:

Are this dude and Michael Flynn's batshit lawyer Sidney Powell fuckin'? And is it KRAKEN TIME yet?

Oh, in at least one sense of the word, they are! Class, they are, at the very least, brain-fuckin'.

And yes, it is almost KRAKEN TIME.

See how we bolded that thing above about McInerney just saying maybe Trump should declare martial law? In case you were thinking this guy McInerney is just some batshit motherfucker who needs to be given a Capri Sun and sat down in front of "Dora" for the foreseeable future, he is definitely that, but he is also spouting the same shit that other batshit motherfuckers who need to be given Capri Suns and sat down in front of "Dora" for the foreseeable future are spouting.

And those batshit motherfuckers in question have the ear of the Clownfuck-In-Chief, who also needs Capri Sun and "Dora" and the whole bit.

You see, it turns out that the "kraken" that batshit Flynn lawyer Sidney Powell has been yammering on about releasing, according to McInerney, is literally the 305th Military Intelligence Battalion. Yes, the one the idiots think is doing raids in Germany, but is in reality a training battalion in Arizona. You can listen to McInerney explain this in this video of the interview we quoted from above:

Here is the full quote about the 305th Military Intelligence Battalion, where McInerney explains that it is the Kraken:

"Sidney and the president, through I believe General Flynn, have got the Kraken organization, got the 305th Military Intelligence Battalion working with them, because in all of this, we have not seen any footprints of the DOJ or the FBI, nor the CIA on the friendly side."


(The Army would like to again clarify that the 305th, is not, in point of fact, Sidney Powell's Kraken.)

And what did Sidney Powell retweet just the other day? No less than a call from a batshit "group" called the We The People Convention (WTPC), for Donald Trump to declare martial law, cancel the Electoral College vote on Dec. 14, cancel the Georgia runoffs, and set up military tribunals. WTPC took out a large full-page ad in the Washington Times to make these demands, even though "WTPC" is literally just some paste-eating Tea Party idiot named Tom in Ohio.

And what did Trump do the very next day? Call for the Georgia runoffs to be canceled.

Sidney Powell has teamed up with batshit lawyer Lin Wood (who is also Kyle Rittenhouse's lawyer) for their series of KRAKEN lawsuits, because we guess another definition for "Kraken" is "the kind of lawsuits you lose." And right on cue, here is Wood retweeting the call yesterday morning for Trump to impose martial law and do a coup:

And of course, finally and at last, here's the world's biggest recently pardoned shitshow traitor himself, Michael Fucking Flynn, chiming right in last night with the same call:

If you can stomach it, you really should read the manifesto they're all tweeting out. It is not the work of a stable genius, let's just put it that way. It partially reads, "[Y]ou must be ready Mr. President to immediately declare a limited form of Martial Law, and temporarily suspend the Constitution and civilian control of these federal elections, for the sole purpose of having the military oversee a national re-vote."

That's right, Flynn and the Kountry Kraken and Wood and McInerney and the others not only want Trump to declare martial law, but also suspend the Constitution. Nothing less than a full fascist Hitler-style takeover, and thereby the end of American democracy.

In closing, we'll remind you that McInerney and Flynn, whose "You eat my ass I'll eat yours" pardon from Donald Trump is still warm, are retired from the military. This is relevant because noted smart law person Steve Vladeck points out on Twitter that in the eyes of the US government, even retired military personnel are still bound by the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ).

If that's the case (Vladeck thinks it should not be), there would only really be one word for all of this, and it is sedition.

Lock them up, lock them allllllll up.

Joe Biden will be inaugurated as the 46th president of the United States on January 20.

What President Biden decides to do with these people is up to him, we guess.

[Military Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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