Oh dear me, and sorry about how you are hurling vomit all over the place. However, in light of how Donald Trump Jr. is all Mr. Divorcey Horsey right now, and in light of the stories about how that one singer lady was having an affair with him way back in the days of "The Celebrity Apprentice" and was so heartbroken by their split she composed several chansons about her pain, we need to share with you some information from an old interview done in 2007, wherein Junior, the one Daddy doesn't really love all that much, told Very Funny And Important Comedian Adam Carolla and several others what happens when he looks at his dad's peener in the shower and is his peener bigger than his dad's or is his dad's peener too yooge, tremendous and gold-plated for Junior's to ever compare:

HOST: I got one question, Donald Jr.: When you and your pops are in the shower, who’s got the bigger package? You know what I’m saying.

DIPSHIT: You know, and I will get fired for this, but I’m never going to say that I don’t. I will get fired for that. By the way, they’re both pretty substantial I think.

Why. Are. They. Showering. Together. We know it is against Daddy's religion to work out his orange chunk-body, because he thinks it will deplete his energy reserves, so this did not happen at the gym.

Also ... like ... this is not framed as "One time when I was five years old I was in the shower with my dad and was like WHOA WILL MINE BE THAT BIG SOME DAY?" This is framed as "One time when I was 30 years old I was in the shower with my dad and was like WHOA WILL MINE BE THAT BIG SOME DAY?" To be fair, Junior said his own dingle was bigger, but we bet he's lying like a rug that lies.

This interview was unearthed by enterprising and badass journalist Ashley Feinberg, who is kind of a specialist in unearthing things like this. It also includes this nugget, about what a bummer it is for his pregnant wife to be all pregnant while he's trying to score some strange at the Playboy Mansion:

DIPSHIT: Do you believe the hell I’m going through? I’m at the Playboy Mansion with a pregnant wife! It doesn’t get worse than that, does it? Now, I love my wife, but that is rough. And I’m going to pay for these statements later on tonight. I’m gonna pay.

Oh, fuck off. Why don't you have an affair with one of the contestants on "The Celebrity Apprentice," so she can do really bad covers of "Somebody That I Used To Know," about how she misses your sexxx body? Oh wait, you did that several years after this interview.

Also in the interview Dipshit kinda says he's at least had a fleeting thought of pulling a Menendez to get all his dad's money (please remember how Daddy doesn't love him all that much, for context) and says his stepmother Melania is "a lovely lady," by which we guess he means he's thought about boning New Mommy at least once.

Feel free to listen to it all for yourself, but it's goddamned stupid and Donald Trump Jr. talks a lot.

Barring that, you could do literally anything else, because you are grossed out enough already.

And on that note, OPEN THREAD!

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[Huffington Post / Web Archive]