We Will Have Whatever Mike Flynn Lawyer Sidney Powell Is Snorting

Michael Flynn's batshit lawyer is at it again.

In briefs filed last week in federal court, Flynn's lawyer, Sidney Powell, went full crazy, saying poor liddle Mike Flynn was "deliberately and maliciously destroyed by outrageous government conduct[.]" And somehow this all relates to Peter Strzok's text messages, Seth Rich, Hillary's emails, Ukraine, Russia, and NO COLLUSION NO OBSTRUCTION!

Yeah, I don't know, either.

This week, the government replied to Powell's fever dreams and Judge Emmet Sullivan canceled a hearing set for November 7, telling parties to argue more on paper and come back to him later.

The Flynngate saga continues.

Yup, Sidney Powell's still batshit

For a little refresher, Michael Flynn pled guilty to lying to the FBI about his contacts with Russian Spy Ambassador Sergey Kislyak. At this point, the only thing that's left is for Judge Sullivan, in the District of DC, to sentence him. But a few months ago, Flynn fired his lawyers in favor of Sidney "Emoji War Crime" Powell, a Fox News conspiracy theorist who seems to spend her free time gobbling up right-wing conspiracies in some of the darkest corners of the internet.

Earlier this month, Powell filed a motion to compel the government to produce new documents and also hold the DOJ prosecutors in contempt, because she JUST KNOWS this is all really about Hillary's emails murdering Seth Rich and Peter Strzok's girlfriend hiding the email server in Ukraine.

Powell's arguments are all premised on a convoluted conspiracy that appears to have originated at the subreddit r/conspiracy. Because this is the stupidest timeline. Among other things, Powell is asking for MOAR PETER STRZOK TEXTS, as well as texts from shady Maltese professor Joseph Mifsud.

What does any of this have to do with Michael Flynn lying to the FBI about his phone calls with Russia, you ask? As summarized by your FDF:

Despite Mifsud and his lawyer/associate Stephan Roh's well-documented connections to Russian oligarchs, the current thinking in Wingnutistan is that Mifsud is a DEEP STATE WESTERN ASSET who set up poor, naive Georgie Porgie Puddin' and Pie by ...

Telling him that the Russians had the emails. So that he'd get drunk and blab it to the Australians, who were totes in on it, mate. And then the Aussies waited until those emails actually started leaking to tell the FBI about it. But that was the pretext those evil Deep Staters had been waiting for to launch an investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 election to support Trump. Because really the DNC hack was an inside job. By Seth Rich, who got murdered by Hillary Clinton for it. And then the entire US government framed Russia for the hack and leaks. And spirited the DNC server off to Ukraine, where it resides today. And that's why Donald Trump was totally right to blackmail the Ukrainian president.

Very normal and totally real.

Powell's briefs are basically an exercise in apeshittery. She whines about "anxious text messages between Agent Strzok and his paramour, Lisa Page" -- because, yes, we are somehow still taking about Peter Strzok's text messages. No, it is not relevant to anything that Strzok and Page were romantically involved. But why resist a chance to call another woman a whore?

Here's how Powell describes Michael Flynn committing crimes by lying to the FBI:

In this case, high-ranking FBI officials orchestrated an ambush-interview of the new president's National Security Advisor, not for the purpose of discovering any evidence of criminal activity—they already had tapes of all the relevant conversations about which they questioned Mr.Flynn—but for the purpose of trapping him into making statements they could allege as false.


Michael Flynn lied to the FBI about conspiring with a Russian official. He admitted as much when he pleaded guilty to the crime of lying to the FBI. But if you're a nutjob who believes conspiracy theories about the "DEEP STATE" being out to get the Nazis in the executive branch, apparently that translates to:

When the Director of the FBI, and a group of his close associates, plot to set up an innocent man and create a crime—while taking affirmative steps to ensnare him by refusing to follow procedures designed to prevent such inadvertent missteps—this amounts to conduct so shocking to the conscience and so inimical to our system of justice that it requires the dismissal of the charges for outrageous government conduct.

Powell also accuses the DOJ of violating the law by refusing to believe her conspiracy and still trying to sentence poor Mikey for the crime he pled guilty to.

[N]ew lead counsel for Mr. Flynn has given the government every opportunity to dismiss this case in the interest of justice on its own because of the rampant wrongdoing of government agents from the inception of the "investigation" and prosecution of Mr. Flynn. Instead of doing so, the government has continued to defy its constitutional, ethical and legal obligations to this Court and to the defense, and to hide evidence that it knows exonerates Mr. Flynn. As is the essence of the problem here, instead of protecting its citizens, the "government" is protecting its own criminal conduct and operatives.

Putting government in quotes is what really makes it art.

Powell also notes that:

Suspicions that grave misconduct has occurred—at the highest levels of our nation's most prominent federal agencies -- have scandalized the public and seriously undermined trust in the rule of law -- the bedrock of our society.

Here, Powell actually has a point -- although I don't think she's talking about Bill Barr and Donald Trump.

The brief continues:

The allegations made against Mr. Flynn precipitated his removal from the administration of a newly elected president in a time of great tension in this country.

Yes ... and?

Of coursethere's also some incoherent rambling about the Steele dossier. Just for shits and giggles.

It was only much later the defense learned what the FBI already knew: This document had been bought and paid for by the Clinton campaign and the DNC. Both the FBI and Fusion GPS hired former British spy Christopher Steele. Fusion GPS was on the Clinton payroll, and it also hired Nellie Ohr—a Russia specialist with CIA ties whose husband Bruce was the fourth highest ranking official in DOJ. Ms. Ohr was researching Mr. Flynn also, and his name appears twice in the "Steele dossier." Ms. Ohr and Steele funneled their "work" through Bruce Ohr in a back channel to the FBI, long after the FBI fired Steele for lying. Bruce Ohr also brought future Special Counsel members Andrew Weissmann and Zainab Ahmad into his back-channel communications with the FBI, DOJ, and Christopher Steele.

I want some of whatever this chick is smoking.

As for the interview where Flynn committed his lying to the FBI crime, he seemed chill and didn't think he had been caught, so that totally means he was framed!

Strzok admitted Flynn was alone, "relaxed and jocular," "unguarded," and saw the two agents as "allies." Flynn gave them a tour. He talked about hotels they stayed in during the campaign and the President's "knack for interior design," and the long hours of the job.

Well, I guess bragging about what a bootlicking moron your client is is one way to go about it.

Mr. Flynn made critical decisions based on a belief that none of this evidence existed.

Lots of criminals make critical decisions based on the belief that law enforcement doesn't have evidence of their crimes.

Also, we're supposed to feel bad for Mike Flynn, the guy who treasoned while a member of the National Security Council.

The accusations were a stake through the heart of a thirty-three-year Army veteran who wrote a blank check on his life for five years in active combat in devotion to our country

And if you were wondering if Powell used a legal brief as an opportunity to spread Trump's baldfaced lie that the Mueller Report exonerated him, the answer is OF COURSE SHE DID!

The Mueller Report established that there was no conspiracy between anyone in the Trump campaign and Russia. It is also apparent now, or will be upon the release of the FISA report of the Inspector General, that the FBI and DOJ had no legal basis to obtain a FISA warrant against Carter Page or to investigate Mr. Flynn.

By claiming "conspiracy theories" and "fishing expeditions," the government engages in "label-lynching" to avoid addressing the facts, its misconduct, and the law.

Okay, I had never heard of "label-lynching" before I had the misfortune of getting this glimpse into Sidney Powell's sad, scary little brain, but a quick google search tells me this is a term that white supremacists have coined to describe people telling the truth about them. Because of course these Nazi fuckwads would find a way to trivialize actual lynching while at the same time defending their indefensible actions.

I really enjoy footnote 19, where Powell promotes her upcoming book by citing to it in a legal brief.

Powell also asserts that everything in her briefs is true because ... wait for it ... Trump bootlicker Chuck Grassley agrees with her.

There is no doubt the ... information is exculpatory. Senator Grassley has stated that it is exculpatory of Mr. Flynn, and it consists of his own statements and communications.

Oh, well if CHUCK GRASSLEYsays so, it MUST be true!

Powell ends her rant with a flourish:

In its relentless pursuit of Mr. Flynn, the government became the architect of an injustice so egregious it is repugnant to the American criminal system.

Just when you think things can't get any dumber, Trump jumps in

Yeah, the president is attacking his own law enforcement agency and officers again.

Powell's nutso brief was quickly picked up by state-run propaganda network Fox News. And since the President of the United States spends his days sitting in front of a TV eating McDonald's, he did a little rage-tweeting.

Yeah, this is all nuts

The government replied to Powell's brief basically with a LOLWUT. Which is fair and was basically also my reaction. They say the documents Powell is requesting "are not favorable and material to the defendant's guilt or punishment, or even relevant to this criminal case." According to DOJ lawyers "[n]one of the references to Mifsud in the Special Counsel Report are connected to the defendant." Rather, the Mifsud texts are about George Papadopoulos -- you know, the other Trump foreign affairs guy to spend some time in prison for lying to the FBI.

Here's are both of Powell's briefs, in all their glory. (Note: if you'd like to understand them, you might want to first try staying awake for at least 72 straight hours while huffing paint, snorting Adderall, and posting on QAnon conspiracy theories on 4chan.)

I will give Powell this: She uses full sentences and her punctuation and grammar are mostly correct. And, unlike in her blinding Twitter feed, she managed to not use any emojis. So congrats on that, I guess?

Though really this is all so apeshit that I kept having to pinch myself to make sure it was real.

"Everyone Is Now Dumber" - Billy Madisonwww.youtube.com

Because Powell raised new issues for the first time in her reply brief, which is not a thing lawyers are allowed to do, Judge Sullivan canceled Flynn's upcoming hearing and ordered additional briefing from both sides. So that means we'll be getting to read more of Sidney Powell's delusional fantasies real soon!

Also, the fact that I'm out here defending the FBI is definitely one of the weirdest things about this timeline. Though honestly, this is all very on-brand for 2019.

[Reply Brief / Motion / DOJ Notice / DOJ Response]


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Jamie Lynn Crofts
Jamie Lynn Crofts is sick of your bullshit. When she’s not wrangling cats, she’s probably writing about nerdy legal stuff, rocking out at karaoke, or tweeting about god knows what. Jamie would kindly like to remind everyone that it’s perfectly legal to tell Bob Murray to eat shit.

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