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We Wish You A Merry 9/11, And A Happy 9/11

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Remember to leave your stockings out tonight, kids, because 9/11 comes but once a year! Rudy Giuliani will fly on his 9/11 Sleigh pulled by eight rats to deliver gifts to the world's non-Muslim children -- a ritual dating back to the First 9/11, when George W. Bush ordered Americans to go to the mall and buy shit to show Resolve. What will Rudy bring you this year? If you're lucky, it'll be a... fwuitcake! [YouTube]

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What would you do for three million rubles and a lifetime supply of Burger King Whoppers? If the answer is "Have the baby of a random professional soccer player I met during the World Cup," you just missed out on the chance of a lifetime. Because Burger King Russia was just offering such a promotion, and has had to cancel it, because for some reason, people thought a "burgers for broodmares" promotion was a tad sexist.

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The New York Times has published yet another installment in its infuriating series "We Sold Our Moral Compass For These Magic Impartial Beans" yesterday, with a news analysis piece explaining that the public discourse around Donald Trump's immigration policy has become intolerably coarse. On the one hand, for instance, you have the "president" openly echoing Nazi propaganda and saying Democrats want "illegal immigrants, no matter how bad they may be, to pour into and infest our Country." Oh, dear, but in response, people are using four-letter words, putting "president" in scare quotes, and even pointing out that Nazi Germany literally compared Jews to vermin, and isn't that a shocking development?

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