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Your Weekly Top Ten Got IMPEACHMENT For Christmas!

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WE DID IT! Christmas is on Tuesday! Last top 10 post of the year, probably, except for the one we write for New Years, of the top 10 of THE WHOLE YEAR! [Evan forgot the tyranny of the clock and calendar; HE might not be working next week, who can say, but SOMEBODY will be, and that somebody is probably ME!] Anyway, the fight is obviously not over yet -- hardly -- but let's celebrate #GoodThings. Also we have a bunch of pics of the Wonkette first family doing #Christmas.

Before we count down the top 10 stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! If you like presents, you could do our Patreon! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds for your HOLIDAY SHOPPING for the people you just realized you forgot to holiday shop for and it will get there right after Christmas, it's cool? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, IMPEACHMENT GEAR, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Your Weekly Top Ten Is ... Oh Who Knows Anymore

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We have nothing left to say after this week except ...

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds for your HOLIDAY SHOPPING? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, IMPEACHMENT GEAR, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Your Weekly Top Ten's Wonkette Toddler Picture Isn't Sideways, YOU ARE SIDEWAYS

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LOOK, IT IS A NEW WONKETTE TODDLER PRESSURE LION OF CUTENESS FOR YOUR TOP TEN POST. That is the type of thing that encourages you to give us donations. And yes, it is sideways and yes we could fix it but also yes, we don't feel like it because yes, we have shit to do because yes we write this on Friday afternoons and yes that means there's an alcoholic beverage burning a hole in our refrigerator.

Anyway!

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent, especially because of the pic of Wonkette toddler right there doing PRESSURE LION.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Wonkette's Weekly Top 10 Is DEAD OF LIVEBLOG!

You dead? Us too!

Good morning, sunshines! Did you wake up dead today? We are zombie twins! What a year we had this week, eh what? Okay, that's enough. I gave Evan the top 10 off, because of how I am the nicest, so here's your fucking stories.

10 WTF With Impeachment This Week And Like Such As? Let Us 'Splain You Easy! This one was about impeachment, and WTF with it.

9 What's White House Press Sec Stephanie Grisham Lying About Today? Hic!

8 Fox Viewers Confused, Panicked As Fox Briefly Does Yovanovitch Hearing 'News'. Don't remember.

7 Nate Silver Unclear As To Why Democrats Are Acting Like Their Ideas Are Good Or Something. This was a good one by Robyn!

6 Man Deballed By Nancy Pelosi Very Sad He Now Got No Balls. This was a good one by I think Jamie? Yes, Jamie!

5 Not All Witnesses Are Heroes. (Afternoon Impeachment Day Three Liveblog!) This is the one about the witness who is not a hero.

4 Let's Watch Republicans Sh*t On A Guy With A Purple Heart! (Impeachment Liveblog, Day Three!) Quick, someone give him a Purple Heart band-aid.

3 Masha, Masha, Masha! Yovanovitch, That Is. (Impeachment Liveblog, Day Two!) This one is about Masha Masha Masha, Yovanovitch.

2 Fiona Hill 'Bout To F*ck Devin Nunes UP. Impeachment Liveblog, Day Five! AND SHE DID.

1 THE GORDON PROBLEM. Impeachment Liveblog, Day Four! LOL GORDOOOONNNNN!

and a bonus mention to me at number 12 with WHO IS READY FOR A DEMOCRATIC DEBATE IT IS ALLLL OF USSSSS! because if I had to liveblog hours 13-15 of Wednesday, you have to read it.

My mom said it was HILARIOUS. There you go, those are very good stories, even mine.

Remember, Wonkette is SOLELY FUNDED by YOU. A whole bunch more of you kicked in this month after I cried and wept and tore my hair and Jewish mamaed you, so thank you! Now the other 98.5 percent of you, I'm STILL WAITING! Let's make Wonkette the fattest, grossest, richest blog in THE WORLD! Or at least make it so I can pay everyone with money, in addition to the love. If you can make it "recurring," that is even #BeBest.

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And since you couldn't see it up top because "dumb template," here is THE BRILLIANT ARTS!


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How You Like Your Weekly Top Ten's Homemade Mullet?

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Hey, TOP TEN!

We have been informed that Wonkette toddler cut her own hair this week and opted for a business in the front, party in the back approach. Then Editrix Rebecca fixed it for her. WHO CUT THE MULLET BETTER? Vote in the comments!

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent, especially because of the pic of Wonkette toddler right there doing Halloween things like a SPOOKY BUNNY RAWR.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Your Weekly Top Ten Is This SPOOKY HALLOWEEN BUNNY RAWR!

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Nothing to say right now, we are too tired from yet another week of hell.

Anyway, TOP TEN!

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent, especially because of the pic of Wonkette toddler right there doing Halloween things like a SPOOKY BUNNY RAWR.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Your Weekly Top Ten Just Waiting For A Butt-Dial From Rudy Giuliani

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Y'all hear about that shit? What a fuckin' idiot.

Anyway, TOP TEN!

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent, especially because of the pic of Wonkette toddler who has marked up her face like a ferocious tiger, RAWR that was last week Evan, she has drawn a picture of the editrix as a spider in a Halloween costume, but you can't see the bottom where the Halloween costume spider legs are. [Dammit, I copy/pasted the wrong thing and now they know my METHODS! -- Evan]

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Your Weekly Top Ten Is Too Tired To Write A Headline

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TOP TEN, HEY!

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent, especially because of the pic of Wonkette toddler who has marked up her face like a ferocious tiger, RAWR.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Weekly Top Ten

Your Weekly Top Ten Makes This Face When We See Rudy Giuliani On TV

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It's true, that face that Wonkette Toddler is making is the exact face we make when we see Rudy Giuliani go on TV and say all the crimes.

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Your Weekly Top Ten Is WAKE US UP WHEN F*CKER IS IMPEACHED

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God, we are tired. You hear Mike Pence is getting pulled into the impeachment inquiry? That's happening.

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, great news! Rebecca is hiring Robyn and Stephen full-time! HELP HER OUT, because she does not have the money yet which is why she announced it, to make the money come! (Lilies of the field, God and wonkers will provide, it's a whole thing with her.) If you can, SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent. Now for six of us!

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Your Weekly Top Ten FOUND A NEW BABY, LOOK AT IT

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We told you last week that this week's top ten post would probably have a SURPRISE in it, and we did not lie! It was not a surprise to us, of course, because we know all the things.

Longtime readers know that yr Memphis Wonkette right here has a Wonkette Niece named Evelyn, who would you believe it is almost SIX now? Well, her baby sister Izzy was born this past Sunday morning, and therefore you get BABY PICTURES. Also, you may now bestow your thanks upon Izzy, because we are pretty sure her birth is the real reason we are finally impeaching Donald Trump. (True story: We said "Donald Trump" to her and she made a pterodactyl sound. She might have been farting at the time.)

Anyway, you get BABY PICTURES. But you have to read your top ten stories first before you get more!

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Your Weekly Top Ten Used To Have A Black Dog But Now We Have ... Whatever This Is

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Look at that asshole. Yes, for longtime readers who are in the know, that is Lula, whom you know and love. And that is the dirt she covers herself with every single goddamned time she goes in the backyard now, which she obviously thinks is just REAL fuckin' cute. So that is the story of that.

Also next week's top ten will probably have a SURPRISE in it, don't you want a SURPRISE?

Um, anyway.

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Your Weekly Top Ten Is Too Busy To Talk To You Right Now

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Sorry, haters, ain't got time to talk to ya right now, our big annual drunken neighborhood festival starts in a few minutes and we gotta get our shit together. So let's DO THIS.

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Your Weekly Top Ten Drew Sharpie Dicks All Over This Post

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No we didn't. We're not an idiot like the president of the United States of America.

Anyway, there are no dicks in the picture above, either, which looks very pristine! It is the place where Editrix and family went on their vacation, where they always go, because it is in Shy's family! Don't worry, there are kid pix below.

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

Ready to count down the top stories? Yes, you are.

Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. BEHAAAAVE YOURSELVES, It's The Dems' Climate Change Town Hall!

9. The Category Five Storm Is IN TRUMP'S BRAIN!

8. Trump Cornholes Farmers

7. Walmart Takes Away Walmart Shoppers' Guns!

6. A Nation That Isn't Crazy About Labor Celebrates Labor Day

5. A Pleasing Plethora Of Puppies And Other Nice Things

4. So This Is What The 'Straight Pride Parade' Looks Like. Huh.

3. Is Trump A Russian Asset, A Stupid Idiot, Or ALL OF THEM KATIE? Spies And Former Spies Say You Betcha!

2. In The Matter Of Diamond And Silk's Very Real Lawyer v. Wonkette: Bring It, Shithead. Wonkette: Bring It, Shithead

1. Maybe Donald Trump Can Explain How Killing This Woman Will Make America Great, Because We Sure Can't

Those are good stories! Mostly about awful things!

Few more pix:



OK that's all, go with God, etc.

Love,

Wonkette

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Your Weekly Top Ten Is OUT OF TOWN

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Labor Day weekend, writing this before we hit the road, which we would like to do in approximately one hour and 14 minutes so ... yep, got nothin' to say to ya! Wonkette editrix Rebecca and family are also out of town, and we are going to the lake so ... yeah, don't do anything we wouldn't do while not here! Goodbye!

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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Your Weekly Top Ten Is A TODDLER DRIVING A WONKEBAGO

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That seems dangerous. Oh wait, just kidding, we have been informed that the toddler did not drive the Wonkebago. (OR DID SHE?) Nah. (UNLESS SHE DID.) Probably not.

Anyway.

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

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