Weird Dilbert Guy Says Joe Biden To Most Dangerous Game The White People, That Sounds Just Like Old Joe
Earlier this week, Dilbert creator and local Twitter crackpot Scott Adams claimed that he'd lost multiple jobs because he was white. I don't think that's something that ever actually happened. It's more likely that he fell asleep while watching the John Travolta movie White Man's Burden and dreamed he was also an oppressed minority in an alternate reality.
I don't know how to break this to white men, but persecution isn't cool. It's not something to envy or try to co-opt. But Adams remains undaunted. Wednesday, he declared that if Joe Biden — I repeat, Joe Biden — wins the presidency, it's the end of the world as white guys know it.
Don't let anyone tell you I'm a cynic. This is a screenshot, because I want to believe Adams will immediately delete his tweets after realizing they are banana pants with crazy cheese frosting.
There is an actual, honest-to-God pandemic ravaging the nation. Stephen King couldn't make Biden scarier than COVID-19, which sensible people understand is more of a threat than whatever imaginary The Purge dystopia Adams thinks the former vice president will unleash on us.
Adams claims that the police will “stand down" if Biden's elected. If so, can't we finally start over and hire cops whose egos are sturdier than tissue paper? We could replace the pouty police with officers who'd actually protect and serve without busting heads. They'd even wait 15 minutes for their Egg McMuffin without freaking out like a common Scott Adams. It's a lot to ask, I know, but those pensions are pretty tight.
In Adams's nightmare Biden reality, Republicans will be hunted as the most dangerous game. A lot of cops are Republicans, so you'd think they could protect themselves from the liberal hordes. It's also not like conservative police officers would need to learn how to kill Black people like Tom Hanks taught himself to fish in Cast Away. They have on-the-job experience.
O. Alan Noble, an assistant professor of English at Oklahoma Baptist University, checked in with Adams and asked if he was OK. (Spoiler Alert: He ain't.)
Adams did actually “interview" a woman on his Real Coffee With Scott Adams YouTube show, which I'm not convinced needs to exist. His special guest was Carson Griffith, the former Gawker editorial director, who attributed her fall from grace to her political “open-mindedness."
GRIFFITH: [The magazine Splinter] dug up that I registered as a Republican in 2008 and you would've thought I shot someone on the street.
ADAMS: The problem was that they thought you were a closet Republican so they went looking for every reason to get you out of there. Basically you were excised for being a little too open-minded about the Right.
GRIFFITH: Exactly. And if they'd really dug around, they'd have seen that I was really open minded, which I think is a great, quality in a journalist
Ha, no, Griffith's time at the revamped Gawker ended because her entire full-time staff (admittedly, just two people — Maya Kosoff and Anna Breslaw) quit because she was terrible. They claimed she made “offensive remarks about poor people, Black writers, and the penis size of one of her acquaintances." Griffith allegedly said it “would be difficult to hire writers of color because they preferred to write stories only about race." I'm just a Black writer who knows other Black writers but this is not a thing.
Griffith is also upset that leftist rag Splinter went back in time and forced her to write the following hella offensive tweets:
This one isn't racist, but it's aged as well as wine in a box.
Griffith is suing the Daily Beast for defamation and presumably unfair use of Splinter's time machine. She claims the story they ran “ruined" her life by, I guess, publicizing the kind of person she is. Griffith was previously entertainment director for Architectural Digest and a senior editor at Condé Nast. I suppose if you're a young white Republican who blew a cushy New York publishing career because of your own gross bigotry, that's more tragic than being one of countless Black people who never even get a second interview for these positions.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).