So! How did you guys think the Democratic convention went? I thought it went SO WELL! I really did! Sure, there were some bumps, but overall, I would say that I came out of it on Thursday feeling mostly pretty darn good about stuff -- and I am saying that as a Bernie Broad!

But you know who did NOT feel good about stuff at all? Scott Adams, the Weird Dilbert Guy. He simply did not care for the way the convention focused on Clinton being a woman, and kept trying to menstruate all over his face or something.

Now sure, he says that the convention was probably super if you were already a Clinton supporter...

On the surface, the convention is going great. Michelle Obama made a speech for the ages. Bill Clinton was his masterful self. Bernie gave a full-throated endorsement of Clinton. The whole affair has been a festival of inclusiveness. The media is eating it like cake. All good, right?

That’s how it looks on the surface. And if you’re already a Clinton supporter, it probably looks great all the way down.

It sure did look pretty good, Scott Adams! But what is it that we are missing here? WHO HURT YOU, PLEASE TELL US.

But if you’re an undecided voter, and male, you’re seeing something different. You’re seeing a celebration that your role in society is permanently diminished. And it’s happening in an impressive venue that was, in all likelihood, designed and built mostly by men. Men get to watch it all at home, in homes designed and built mostly by men, thanks to the technology that was designed and built mostly by men. I mention that as context, not opinion.

So sad! Poor Scott Adams had NO IDEA that this whole "equal rights" thing would diminish his role in society! Like, why can't we be equal, but then still have men in charge of the things! And thank them for building all the buildings for us, without which we could never even have our Lady President/Tupperware Parties and quilting bees!

He is not mad, of course, at the idea that a woman can be president, he just wants everyone to stop rubbing his face in it!

I agree with Michelle Obama’s gratitude about Clinton’s success so far, and how the country now “takes it for granted that a woman can be president.” That’s a big, big deal, and an accomplishment that you can never take away from Clinton, no matter how it all ends. I would argue – as did Michelle Obama – that Clinton already removed the glass ceiling. Now it’s just a question of who the voters prefer.

He then points out that Obama did good by not talking about his race once it became apparent that a black man could indeed run for President, and says Clinton is "selling past the close" by pushing the whole "LADY PRESNIT" thing. Scott Adams fancies himself an "Expert Persuader" and needs to wow you with how much he knows about persuadering.

And that brings us to a concept called “Selling past the close.” That’s a persuasion mistake. Clinton has already sold the country on the idea that a woman can be president. Sales experts will tell you that once the sale is made, you need to stop selling, because you have no chance of making things better, but you might give the buyer a reason to change her mind.

Obama understood how to avoid selling past the close. At some point during Obama’s first presidential election campaign the country mentally agreed that an African-American could be their next president. So Obama accepted the sale and talked about other stuff. If he had dwelled on race, and his place in history, he would have risked making things worse. So he stayed quiet on race (mostly) and won. Twice.

Clinton is taking a different approach. As Michelle Obama said, we now take for granted that a woman can be president. That sale is made. But Clinton keeps selling. And that’s an enormous persuasion mistake.

See Hillary! Obama knew when to shut up about being black, so's he didn't scare any of the white people, except for all the white people he scared real bad who somehow could not stop noticing that he was a black guy!

Of course, the only people who are going to be freaked out by all this Woman President talk are probably not people who are going to vote for a woman anyway! Like Scott Adams, who this week was basically castrated by Alicia Keys singing a song.

I watched singer Alicia Keys perform her song Superwoman at the convention and experienced a sinking feeling. I’m fairly certain my testosterone levels dropped as I watched, and that’s not even a little bit of an exaggeration. Science says men’s testosterone levels rise when they experience victory, and drop when they experience the opposite. I watched Keys tell the world that women are the answer to our problems. True or not, men were probably not feeling successful and victorious during her act.

Wow! That sound horrifying! Let us take a look at this performance what stripped Scott Adams of his virile fragile masculinity!

Yeah, jeez. We can only imagine how traumatic this must have been for him! To be fair, there have always been dudes who have been giant weirdos about female singers, so I cannot say I am surprised! Coincidentally, however, all the men I've known with that particular issue that would be best described as "total wieners," so take from that what you will. For what it is worth, my dad totally loves Alicia Keys and there is no question in my mind that he could take Scott Adams in a fight.

Adams is pretty sure he is being scientific here, and science says that the DNC gave men a SAD.

Let me say this again, so you know I’m not kidding. Based on what I know about the human body, and the way our thoughts regulate our hormones, the Democratic National Convention is probably lowering testosterone levels all over the country. Literally, not figuratively. And since testosterone is a feel-good chemical for men, I think the Democratic convention is making men feel less happy. They might not know why they feel less happy, but they will start to associate the low feeling with whatever they are looking at when it happens, i.e. Clinton.

Those are some real good science facts, Scott Adams. Real good. I would like to think that we don't actually have that many men in this country who can be made hormonally sad by an Alicia Keys song, but I am an optimist.

He admits, of course, that the DNC was good if you are into, say, facts and policies and things. Or if you are a WOMAN...

On the 2D playing field – where policies and facts matter – the Democratic National Convention is doing great. And when it comes to exciting women, it might be the best ever. But on an emotional level – where hormones rule – men have left the building…that they built.

But if you are a man the whole thing is just hell on your delicate hormones, and that is unfair because you built the building they were depleting your hormones in! And that is so mean and unfair! It's a wonder Scott Adams hasn't started drinking only grain alcohol and rainwater so his essence won't be polluted.

Perhaps Scott Adams can take some time, pull himself up by his bootstraps and do some self-care and replete his hormone supply without needing Hillary Clinton and Alicia Keys to coddle it for him? We suggest that he go read some Bukowski or watch Scarface and not call us in the morning.

[Scott Adams' Blog]

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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